Eureka!

So last night it hits me....maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. Maybe, there is something wrong with good ole Mr. 3086??? (yes, I may be grasping at straws here to find something wrong, anything wrong that could possibly be fixed.)

So Jenn and I poured over donor profiles. We found Mr. Perfect. A+ like Jenn (which is really our one and only requirement, tall, not too skinny, RED curly hair (now tell me that wouldn't make an adorable baby...and my hair has lots of red in it, two reds can't make a wrong!!) He is in school to be a vet (something Jenn loves) and when asked his favorite childhood memory--Meeting Dan Marino--a sports fan! That ought to somewhat combat my horrible doplicness.

But...I forgot to click one button when I did the search. He is CMV Positive...I am CMV negative. Sigh. So much for Mr. Perfect. (And seriously, I am being punished for not having slept around in my youth, there is something so very wrong about that.)

We have found a replacement for Mr. Perfect, he may not have cute curly red hair, but he's got swimmers and that is really all we need right?

Jenn called the Fertility Center this morning, just to verify that me being CMV negative means that so does our swimmer man. Yes, they would reallly realllllly recommend it. Then Jenn asked Michelle her real true opinion on what is going on. Michelle is very happy that nothing is wrong with me, while yes it make it really sucky that there is nothing to blame, it means that nothing is wrong with me. The likelihood of these two other tests coming back bad is less than 2%. She is very VERY happy that we have decided to change donors. Which to me is a good sign.

I now have a dr's appointment at the family practice (Stabler is of course out of town when I really need her) because the medicine that I have been taking for my migraines is a D class drug. Um, hello??? People who are trying to get and stay pregnant should not be taking D class drugs. Grrr. So we go in Wednesday morning to see what they can switch me to. I tried to ween myself off of it last week, and that didn't go over too well. So I admit defeat and will go to the doctor. I went into Rodney's office, batted my eyes....what day/time and in York or Lancaster was his response. He's the bestest I'm telling you, the absolute bestest. No wait, Jenn is.

Apparently I just can't keep my mouth shut.

So...did you miss me for that two seconds??

So here is what has been happening.

Jenn, she doesn't have a job right now. While that may sound scary and make you all go "Oh My Goodness" trust me, I'm happy. She has been so stressed at work that she passed out on Monday. I have spent so many months being stressed for her that honestly, this is the best thing that could have happened. She never would have walked out of there on her own. Thankfully I was raised to always be prepared and we will be just fine. I am so relieved right now, and smiling....until I give you the next spot of bad news anyway.

Went in for my repeat-repeat-repeat-repeat blood work today. I am FINALLY no longer pregnant. Phew. Good to know.

Then she let me know that most of my lab results are back in from all the HABITUAL ABORTER tests. So far, nothing is wrong with me. NOTHING. The only two tests that haven't come back yet are two that if they do come back as the problem...we will just have to stop this whole process. So I am scared to death. Yes, becoming an only one income household makes me smile, but having nothing wrong with me leaves me in tears.

Emotionally I go from freaking out and honestly wanting to pack up our house and move away, to smiling and carrying on like nothing is wrong. Which of course just makes Jenn worry that something inside of me has snapped. Maybe it has. Maybe we have just been through so much shit this year that I really can't take anymore so I am just smiling cause there isn't anything else I can do. Or, maybe I am just coming to terms with life. Life is not that bed of roses that I always believed it would be. But let me tell you, as long as we have each other we can make it through anything. I am so lucky to have Jenn by my side. Thank you baby. Thank you for wiping me up this afternoon and breaking me out of my coma-stare phase. Thank you for getting out of that awful job. Thank you for yelling at me to stop it when I start in with the "I'm a Natural Born Baby Killer" ranting. Thank you for not thinking that I am one.

Just like with everything else that has been thrown at us, we're going to get through all of this. Like I told Brandi on the phone yesterday...they can keep on dishing it...we can take it. (well,as long as they don't take Jenn away from me)

Shhhh

It is going to be a little quiet around here for a bit. An hour? A day?? A year??? Don't know.

We are fine, don't worry!!! Just need some time away from it all!!

xxoo

(I'll still be reading...you just may not get any comments!!)

Video of Jenn at the Batting Cage

Video of Jenn
Originally uploaded by heidi&jenn

Her grunting cracks me up!

(As does my awful commentating)

Great Day!!! (as long as we don't discuss my hCG levels)

Lets get the hCG crap out of the way first...6. In a week my levels only went down 2.9. Seriously?? Whatever, we're repeating again next week.

Started the day by going for the hCG test, and then the barrage of tests that a Habitual Aborter should have.

Then we went to lunch at our favorite yummy Mexican place.

Then we went shopping for new shoes. Jenn got a new pair for work, and I got a new pair of crocs!!!

Then we went to the batting cage!! I love the batting cage. So much fun. We learned that I am soooo much better at fast pitch softball than slow pitch. I think slow pitch is too hard to judge or something, I dunno. We had a blast. I took a video of Jenn so that she could critique her swing. She's hoping to play on a co-ed team next year and wants to make sure that she is still in top form!! Here are a couple of pics:

Me: (Aren't I cute?!?)


Jenn: (She's so cute!! And I got the ball in the pic!)


I'll post the video in a separate post...I can't figure out how to add it here!

After that we went to Target and picked up some pet supplies (they had some good sales).

Then we went driving around looking at houses. We are still having a horrible fight with our landlord and getting rather sick of it. Not sure if we'll actually purchase a home, but it was certainly fun to drive around and look. We looked at one in the neighborhood where Jenn grew up. One of her best friends used to live there, and the swing-set where she broke her arm is still in the back yard!

Then we went grocery shopping.

After dinner Jenn went to feed Minne. I told Jenn that I remember eating Milk Bones when I was younger and thought they taste rather good. We had just bought Minne a box of five flavors at Target. So, Jenn decided to taste test them for Minne and give a review. Jenn really liked original, said bacon and beef were gross, peanut butter wasn't too bad, and refused to try the veggie flavor!! She said they did leave her teeth feeling clean, but she wasn't so sure about the fresh breath!

Trying Beef:


Sharing: (although it looks like Minne is just saying give me my bone lady!!


Hope ya'lls day was just as wonderful!!

Perfecting the art of the meltdown.

I have come to the realization that the closer we get to June 19th, the more of an emotional wreck I (we) become.

Yesterday I managed to have not one, but two meltdowns. One of them was just a mini-meltdown which involved throwing a hissy fit that I am bleeding, again. Seriously, almost two weeks now. Make it stop.

The first one started as I drove home from work. Jenn had beat me there and my lab slips had arrived. I cried because the testing slips being in hand just make it seem all so more real that something is wrong with me that makes me kill our babies.

Boy, they are testing me for everything, which is good. But as I'm Google-ing the tests one of them was for Lupus, and that set me off. I don't know which is the scarier option. Them finding nothing wrong with me, or them finding something horribly wrong with me.

Now, yes, there is a best case scenario. They could find something wrong with me that is simple and easy to fix. But, I lost the optimistic side of me a long time ago, and I just can't see holding on to hope for the good, when there are so many bad options.

I will go on Thursday to have all the of testing done. The letter they sent along with it said it could take 4-6 weeks for the results to come back. Jenn called the office because we don't want to go forward with the next cycle if that is the case, we would rather wait for the results of the testing than risk losing another baby. The office said that we aren't getting the test that takes that long, our results should be back within two weeks. If there is something that comes back funky with them, then we go for the follow up test that takes 4-6 weeks. Dear goodness.

Tag, I'm it.

B tagged me, and since I was at a loss for something interesting to post that didn't go on and on with depressing drivel, here goes:

4 things I did 10 years ago: (1998)
1. Started my current job, it will be 10 years June 15!
2. Adopted Minnesota the wonder dog.
3. Moved to a great apartment which I still don't understand how we fit so much junk into!
4. Um....I don't remember.

4 things I did 5 years ago: (2003)
1. January 11 we said vows.
2-I became a Creative Memories Consultant.
3-Jenn got a promotion.
4-I had my five year anniversary at the hotel.

4 things I did yesterday:
1. Went to work.
2. Made Chicken Fried Steak, green beans and Red Lobster Biscuits for dinner.
3. Made a fool of myself via email.
4. Had a meltdown, which I am perfecting the art of by the way.

4 shows I love to watch:
1. Anything that is trashy reality tv related.
2. LOST
3. Anything on Food Network
4. Eli Stone

4 things I love to do:
1. Sleep.
2. Bake.
3. Scrapbook, although I haven't been doing much of it lately, gotta get out of this funk.
4. BE IN FLORIDA!!!

I tag K. Yes, I know she has already been tagged, but I want to make sure she knows how much we all miss her!!

I also tag Kim!