I have finally bit the bullet.

Recently some things have gone on that have made me want to chat privately with my loyal readers, without having prying eyes reading my thoughts.

While I don't understand everything about it, and it will take me forever to feel happy about the way it looks cause I am weird like that, I have moved over to WordPress where I will be able to password protect some of my thoughts.

So...I am still Thinking Miracles. I always will be. I'll just have a new home from now on.

THINKING MIRACLES

Thinking of Blue Day

After much debate in our house, it has been decided that Blue gets two birthdays. We will celebrate with a cake on January 11th, the day he was actually born. But today, June 19th, his expected arrival date will be celebrated also. It is on my calendar as Thinking of Blue Day.

You want to know what is awesome? We aren't the only ones with him on our calendar!! I got this wonderful email the other day:

Hi Heidi,

I only know you via blogs- but I sent you a little notice last year that June 19th happens to be my birthday (this year 42- ouch). I wanted to let you know Blueberry will be celebrated again with my birthday if it is ok with you. I feel we fellow Geminis (Here and in the afterlife gotta look out for one another). I know what it is like to loose a child and hope my remembrance of Blue is ok with you and you I know it is out of thinking it would have helped me a little.

I'll be thinking of you all -

Laura

Happy Birthday to you Laura!! Thank you for making our Blue a part of your life too!!

And over at the Lost and Found and Connections Abound they have a Loss Remembrances section. I had struggled in my head over if I should put an announcement over there or not. See I am the Clicker for the GLBT section of the blogs, and I haven't been doing a very good job. Imagine my surprise when reading the L&F the other day that the decision had been made for me:

LOSS REMEMBRANCES (send in the dates of loss anniversaries and I will post them on the correct day)

• Thinking Miracles will be remembering their unfulfilled due date this Friday. Please go over and give them support.

We miss him. I spent the car ride to work the other morning thinking of all the wonderful things that should be going on now. We should be getting ready to watch this amazing little boy smash into a birthday cake. We should be crying with joy as he takes his first steps.

So many things we have and will miss with our precious son. Our son. He was to be ours to hold. Ours to show off. Ours to kiss booboos and take places and dress in cute little outfits. At Babies R (Not For) Us the other day they had a whole bunch of cute boys outfits that were totally my style. I could totally see Jenn and I dressing Blue in them. Plaids and Skulls and just fun boy stuff. It is amazing. Before I was pregnant with him I had hoped and prayed for girls, I know what to do with girls. But once I was pregnant, and quickly knew that Blue was a boy, I wouldn't have traded our little boy for the world!! I often worry that he felt he wasn't wanted. Like he heard me saying that I only want girls. I hope he knows I love him more because he is a boy.

We miss you Blue. We will never stop. Your teddy bear goes with us everywhere. His are the hands we hold when we wish so badly to hold yours. We love you so much. From the first moment we laid our eyes on you and your happy dancing:

Until the moment we meet again. You will always be our firstborn son. Your mommies love you Blue. Don't you ever forget that.

Unfortunately...

I am stealing from my dear Mrs. Spit.

How to play:
Type "unfortunately" and your name into google. Really, it's that simple.

Unfortunately, Heidi & Spencer Return Swine Free.

unfortunately Heidi chose to take the paths more often travelled rather than the one less travelled

Unfortunately Heidi (who until meeting him seemed like a decent chick who had all her natural body parts, was a bit ditzy, a little annoying

And my personal favorite...
unfortunately heidi may be trapped ….. wake up and smell the man stink heidi.

Why does Heidi Montag-Pratt have to be so popular right now?? She is ruining a good name!!!

Felling proud of myself. But that all may change tomorrow.

Jenn is sound asleep next to me, finally. We've been sick round these here parts. I swear this is the year of the sickies!! It is getting really old.

We had a busy day today. I worked in the morning while Jenn ran a few errands. She picked me up after work and we headed over to the Landii's. There we split. Jenn went with Chris and the girls to another softball game. They won this one!! Yeah Fire!! Lyz, Joni and I went to Tara's baby shower!

This is why I am proud of myself. I felt great. It was wonderful!! I went to a baby shower! Not only that, but I went to Babies R (not for) Us before the shower and had fun!! Thank you for inviting me Tara. A lot of people would be afraid to invite a bitter infertile to their baby shower! I am very thankful you did, and very excited to bring you Cheeseburger Pie and meet little Carter when he is born.

When we got home I did have a melt down of classically huge proportions. I have tomorrow off from work. Tomorrow is also Jenn's first day back to work. What an odd day it will be. We are both very excited about this new job, but Jenn has basically been home with me for a year! She's always been available if I need her. It is going to be very odd. Although I do look forward to totally hogging the bed all morning long and sleeping until noon!! (that will totally make the day go faster).

Jenn-I wish you the best of luck at work tomorrow. I know you are totally going to rock at this job. You are going to meet lots of new wonderful people. Ignore the other stresses in our life right now, and focus on how excited you are about this job! I love you my sweet little Teapot!! Thank you for being so awesome!!

Not only does she look happy but...

I personally think she looks hot.





Last night she did even better than the night before!! She was 1 for 3, but made contact all three times. When she did get on base she then had to run from 1st to 3rd! And she did it, and was safe! No small accomplishment for a 34 year old who hasn't played in 10 years, is on the heavier side, and has bronchitis!!

She also had several good plays at third base. Including one where she tried to give me a heart attack. The batter hit the ball and Jenn dove for it. OH MY GOODNESS! She caught it, the girl was out, and while Jenn laid on the ground you could hear her say "That was three right, I don't need to get up and throw this somewhere?"

Babe, it is so awesome to watch you play. It is just so perfectly wonderful to see you so happy!!

(Oh, and in case you couldn't figure it out, Jenn is #34. She choose it because it is my favorite number, which I adopted from my Aunt Kari!! It was very sweet of Jenn to choose 34 because she has ALWAYS been 29 in softball. I know it wasn't a small sacrifice for her, but it certainly means a lot to me!)

She looked so...happy

Jenn had her first fast pitch softball game last night. I'll admit it. I was nervous. She hasn't played softball with anyone over the age of 9 in about 10 years. I was worried that the thing Jenn defines herself as, athletic, would let her down. She is 10 years older and a little bit heavier.

I was wrong. Chris invited us over before the game so that he could help Jenn practice. They went to the park nearby and he hit grounders and pitched to her. When they came back only Chris walked through the door. I asked him if he killed her and he said "No, but she almost killed me!" Jenn had hit a ball back at him when he was pitching, right into his leg. It looks quite painful. But at least she got a hit right?? Thank you so much Chris for helping her. It meant a lot to her.

Then we were off to the game. All of her teammates are so young!! She is the team grandma!! Lyz had gone over to visit her before the game started and several of the girls asked if Lyz was her wife, and since Lyz had Delaney with her the assumed that Delaney was their daughter. Jenn explain that Lyz is her sister and Delaney her niece. (I of course shied away from meeting the team at the first game...maybe tonight.)

Then the game started. Jenn played 3rd base. Now Jenn is by no means your average 3rd base woman. She is a lefty, and only 5'3". But let me tell you, she did an awesome job. All of my nervousness quickly washed away and I sat there beaming. I was so proud of my Teapot for doing so well!!

She batted well too. She made contact both times. Chris said the first time that she would have had a single if the girls they were playing couldn't do the splits. And at her 2nd at bat she got on base but it was a fielder's choice so she says it doesn't count. Lyz and I took a vote. It counts in our book.

She also had a couple of great plays on defense (is that the right terminology? My dad is totally rolling his eyes. He taught his daughter sports better than that xxoo). She got a girl out at home and Chris jumped out and screamed "Way to go Jenn". And even cuter, Jenn turned around and gave us a thumbs up.

I loved watching her play. Since I moved out here I have been begging her to get on a team. There was always some reason not to. Work, coaching the girls, something. But this team works out. Either evenings or Sunday. And even though she starts working on Monday, she will still be able to make her games.

Joni, Chris, Lyz, Avery and Delaney also came to watch Jenn play. It meant the world to both of us. The game didn't even start until 8:30, but they were all there, cheering Jenn on. It was so wonderful to have our family there. Our little mishmosh family!! Delaney wasn't too interested in the game, but the leaves were sure fun to watch!

I did have a little moment of panic. The pitcher got a ball hit right at her head and I flashed back to the olden days of watching my Aunt Kari playing softball. We were at a tournament in Battle Creek, MI right at the start of my Grandmother's Alzheimers. Kari was running home and the third base woman threw the ball and it wailed through the air into the back of Kari's head. She was unconscious. I was so torn over leaving my Grandma alone in the stands or running to Kari's assistance! Kari was fine, thankfully. But I was so scared. Now I have to worry that Jenn might get hurt.

The flashback was neat in a way too. Remembering all of the fun times watching Kari play! I thought her teammates were so much fun! And Kari would take me on tournaments with her and the team always treated me like a little mascot. Ahh, the days of innocence when nothing is wrong in the world.

When the game was over (they lost, bad, but still all had a blast) Jenn and I got into the car and I looked at her. She was so happy. I haven't seen that happy Jenn face since January 10, 2008. It was back last night. I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check. I cannot explain to you how wonderful it felt to me to see her like that again. Yes, she is happy most of the time. But last night was the truly nothing can stop her smile face. It warmed me right through.

My baby at 3rd base:

The team on the pitchers mound:

(sorry there aren't more pictures, but it was dark, and my camera isn't a fan of the dark!)

A wonderful weekend!!

Our weekend started out great!! Avery came over Friday night and spent the night. We had tons of fun watching Spongebob and eating grapes in bed. Saturday morning we went out to breakfast before heading over to the Landii's house to get ready for Lyz's party!!!!!

Everything went quite smoothly. There wasn't much we could do until right before the party started...then of course things were hectic, but we did quite a fine job of getting all of the food prepared and out the door on time.

The party was quite a blast. There was horseshoes, beer pong, a whole kids are was set up to keep the little ones happy. Chris used the family pig roaster to grill up hamburgers and hotdogs. We stayed up until about 2:30am in the backyard hanging around the firepit making smores...YUM!!

Just a few pictures. I'd have more but first I couldn't find the batteries, and then I just kinda forgot.

Singing Happy Birthday:

Blowing out the candles:

Party Guests:

Tara and her absolutely beautiful belly!!!:

Louisa and the yummy cake:

(and see that woman in the background with the khaki shorts and the greenish-blue tee-shirt? She spent the ENTIRE party hitting on Jenn. It was quite funny to watch.)
And this is what happens when you start taking pictures after you have already had a few drinks:

(and for the record, I was not behind the camera)

Happy 30th Birthday my dearest Lyz. You mean the world to me. I am so thankful to have you back in my life. LOVE YOU!!!