Softball game...and a small, TTC related, panic attack.

We won our softball game again tonight!! That makes us 3-0. Tonight's game was especially awesome because every single girl hit and got on base!! It was so awesome to see their happy faces!!!! And the parents faces being so proud of their girls!

I was very proud of Belle...not only did she do an awesome job pitching, but she several good plays in the infield with catching or throwing the balls!!


To be honest though, I think Jenn did more pitching than any of the girls on either team! (If a girl gets 4 balls thrown to her, instead of walking, her coach comes out and pitches to her)

A few of our girls had to leave early, and that left us with only one outfielder. Very rarely does the ball actually get hit into the outfield, so we used a substitute...Avery!

(We sent Chris out with her just to be safe)

On to the panic. Last night I had a minor meltdown. We watched the movie The Business of Being Born. It was very interesting, didn't really didn't teach me anything that I didn't already know, but it was fun to watch! I will never have the peaceful home birth in a pool that I wanted. I'm too high risk now with the losses, and my advanced maternal age. And besides, at this point I want all the fetal monitoring I can get my hands on. But I do still want it to be somewhat peaceful

But today, in fact 10 minutes ago I had a whole new panic. All of our paperwork is in and we are ready to order our swimmers from the new sperm bank that we will be using. I got the email tonight. That means that this week we took two steps towards the TTC front. I've been trying to slowly enter my way back into the TTC world...two steps in one week is a little much for me!! (step one was receiving my wonderful package of drugs from Lori!) All will be well though.

This means that everything is a go. Sperm...check. Drugs...check. Woah. All we are waiting on now is my period...I say we have about two weeks to go before that shows up, since I'm not on drugs. We've bought our tickets, we are just waiting for the train to pull into the station!!

Mingo Monday

Me and Mingos

1995:


2005:


2006:


2007:

Softball and Snoring

Our second softball game was last night. I seriously love watching these girls improve even day to day!! I also love watching Elissa, Lyz and Jenn coach. I love watching Chris umpire. And well Avery she just makes the cutest batgirl ever!!
Jenn pitching (When the other team's pitcher throws four balls, instead of walking the girl our coaches pitch to them...usually Jenn gets this honor!):

Belle pitching:


We won again!!! Our girls rock!

After the game Belle and Avery decided to show us how to slide:


And were very dirty afterwards:


Group Photo (opps, missing Chris and Jenn):


I am sure you wonder what snoring has to do with softball right? Well my job during yesterday's game was upgraded from bookkeeper, to baby sleeper. I held Delaney in my arms while she slept. I walked with her if she fussed (and Lyz of course calmed her too). I spent a good hour holding her in my arms. She was snuggled all deep into my chest, with her blanked wrapped around her. I refused to sit down. I used the excuse that I was worried it would wake her up, but really, I just wanted to be alone with her. To feel what it is like to hold her for so long. To smell her without anyone talking or inturrupting. Well, I inturrupted myself to be honest. I was watching little girls play softball! It is very hard not to cheer when they do something great! And I couldn't cheer very loud because it would startle Delaney.

At one point I heard her snuffling. I was all concerned that my boobs were suffocating her, or her blanket was too close to her face. Nope. She was snoring. It was the sweetest little noise I have ever heard!!! I took her around to everyone to make them listen to the sweet sound. It was so beautiful.

When I handed her back to Lyz as the game was ending Lyz said "Your arms have to be killing you." Not in the least. They relished in knowing what it felt like to comfort Delaney for so long.

Friendly Hotel Front Desk Clerk goes on a field trip and First Softball Game

Rodney, my wonderful boss was not so wonderful as usual yesterday and forced me to go on an Amish tour. I have lived in Lancaster for almost 12 years now and have gotten away with never going on a formal tour. Sigh.

To be honest, it wasn't as bad as Jenn and I thought it would be. Yes, Jenn went too, I refused to go alone! We did the tour with three old couples. They asked some really fun questions :) Like at every single one room schoolhouse we passed "Is that the one where all the kids were killed?" No, they burned that school down. Now, once you are told that they burned something down, why must you ask at every single school "Is that the one?" NO THEY BURNED IT DOWN!!!" In answer to the question, yes, we do live very near to the school that the shooting occurred at. When people ask me where it is at The Hotel, I refuse to answer. I see no reason why the Amish should be disrupted when they have already forgiven the man.

Anywho...we had more fun than we thought we would. Jenn got to see some animals. She LOVES animals. If we ever win the lottery we will totally live on a farm. A little farm with just a few animals and lots of saved dogs and cats.



On the tour we made a stop at an Amish business where the father runs a furniture making business. The furniture looks just like wood but is made out of recycled milk cartons. Jenn and I fell in love with a piece and are now saving up our monies to buy it:

Ignore the red and blue tables. The two chairs both rock on their own, and the table in the middle stays stationary. We will pick a different color than the boring tan...but I cannot wait to buy it and sit on our front porch like the boring old couple we are!!

The Mountville Strikers had their first game last night...and they WON!!! I love to watch them play! I love to watch Elissa, Jenn and Lyz coach them. I got the wonderful job of keeping score. I am not very good at my job, but I am the only one available to do it so I just do my best.
Jenn and Elissa coaching:

Lyz and Delaney coaching and Avery (#19 and no, that isn't her last name) as batgirl:

Chris being the umpire: (He takes his job very seriously, it is very cute to watch)

Yeah Team!!

Things we did this weekend.

We headed out to the Flower and Craft Warehouse with Elissa. Oh my goodness. I am not kidding you when I tell you that it could take a full week to see the entire store. It is literally a warehouse and it just keeps going and going and going. Whole rooms of beads, scrapbooking stuff, and candles. Oh my goodness the candles. We sniffed a million different varieties!! The only thing I was disappointed in was their yarn selection. It was barely have an aisle and none of it was soft and squishy. Hrumph.

Then we got silly. Well, Jenn got silly and Elissa and I took pictures of the silliness. First she decided that she wanted to get dressed up:

Isn't she adorable!??!!

Then she made out with the Easter Bunny:


After our feet were all tired out from all the shopping we headed out to dinner. I am horrible when it comes to deciding what I want to eat. The menu went on and on!! I'm always worried that whatever I do order won't have been what I actually wanted, so I will be sad. I wasn't sad here! The had a pasta special and the pasta was YUMMY.

Then we took some pictures since all three of us have new camera phones, we all needed to pictures to store in them.
Stolen from Elissa:



Aren't we all so fun?!?

Then there was Avery's gymnastics olympics, and she was just TOO CUTE!
On the uneven bars:

And getting her gold medal:


Then on Sunday afternoon...there was this weather thing. It was a storm, that came out of nowhere. And dropped a tornado just a few miles from our house. In March no less. There was thunder and wind and lightening and hail. And we didn't see it. And we didn't get any pictures of it. We being Chris and I. Jenn and Lyz would rather hide in the basement. Chris and I would be the two following it around in the car. Hmmm....why didn't we follow it around with the car?

Taking a break can be good for the soul...and the waistline.

I know, I never actually came out and talked about what is going on in our TTC world. We decided to take a break. My depression hit rock bottom. I wanted to make my head better. Another negative may have honestly put me over the edge. I was afraid of myself. I was afraid to be left alone.

We do plan on starting up here again soon. We had discussed just trying at home for a bit...but with my cranky ovaries, we don't think that is the best plan. We are saving our pennies for another injectable iui or two. After that point, I think we are done. We are happy as a couple. We love each other more than enough. We have Skyler, Austin, Belle, Avery and Delaney to adopt and spoil. I honestly don't feel in my heart that we will have our own child, but I don't want to give up either. Does that make any sense? I don't want to give up because I didn't know that the last cycle was going to be the last cycle. I need another shot!

My head is much better now. I don't feel as lost and alone as I did. I don't feel as dangerous to myself as I did. I feel like Jenn and I are more ourselves. While we were never in a really bad place, we weren't really as together as we could be. That was my fault. I pushed her away. I spent so much time hating myself for killing our children that I couldn't let her look at me. I felt like I let her down. I know that isn't true. I knew it then too...but couldn't get my heart to believe it.

The other really nice thing about our break is the lack of hormones pumping through my body. I had lost a little bit of weight when I was first diagnosed with the hypothyroidism...but it halted. When we went to the doctor to be told that I have pneumonia, I was afraid to hop on the scale. There is a scary weight that I never want to reach, and I was convinced that I had finally hit it.

Imagine my surprise when I got on the scale and had not only not gained weight, but had lost it. Lots of it. I was inspired once I felt better to try on an old pair of jeans. You know the ones you through in the back of your closet because you just can't throw them away? I grabbed a pair on Monday and put them on. Oh my word. They fit!!!!

Last night I did the same thing...I dug a little deeper in the closet for an older pair. They fit too! We went over to Lyz and Chris's and I bragged to everyone that I was on pair two of jeans that didn't used to fit. Joni mentioned that this is when you find that pair of pants that you haven't worn in forever, but haven't thrown them away either because you love them so much.

I got home and pulled my favorite pair of pants out of the depths of my closet. I love them. They are thick kahki's with an almost cargo pants type style. I love the buttons and the pockets, and they always made me feel good because I thought they made my butt look totally awesome. You know that pair of pants you own that just make you feel sexy? Even if they don't look good to everyone else...you feel PERFECT in them!! I hadn't worn them in four years.

They fit. Not only did they fit, but I have room to spare. I cried, and danced and smiled. Jenn said she hasn't seen that smile on my face in forever. It felt so good. I kept showing her my butt. I was all "Look at my butt! It is cute!" Then I kept saying "Hey Jenn? Guess what...my favorite pants fit!!"

I'm a little bit happy. It feels good. A pair of pants has totally found me again. I'm really coming out of my dark closet and it feels good. I like having myself back :)

Happy 13th Birthday Skyler!!!

I cannot believe that Skyler is 13 years old. A teenager!! Holy crow. He was only 8 months old when I met him. He had the cutest little chubby legs! He was teasing me today that I used to change his diapers...nope sorry! I don't do diapers. Not his, not Austin's, not Belle's, not Avery's, not Delaney's (yet...I can't promise I never will...but it isn't on my agenda of things to do.)

We went to the batting cages. I wasn't able to participate because today my lungs are protesting more than they have in over a week. Stinks. But everyone else had fun doing it. Well, not Jim...but I can't blame him. The last time he was in a batting cage he broke his hand. Don't ask how, we never did figure that out!

The birthday boy in the batting cage:


Austin in the batting cage:


Belle in the batting cage:


Jenn in the batting cage:


Elissa in the batting cage:


After everyone was tired out we went out to the parking lot and open presents. Jenn was too excited to let him open his presents to wait anymore. We got him golfing gear including this awesome club head cover shaped like a clover! What a perfect gift for the boy born on St. Patrick's Day!


Then we headed to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. It was quite yummy. Skyler was very excited to be allowed to order Alaskan King Crab Legs for his dinner since it is his birthday!

After that we headed back to their house for ice cream cake and to sing Skyler Happy Birthday:


(someday I will remember to not turn the camera when I take video...sorry!)

Skyler really wanted the part of the cake that had the Phillie's symbol on it. I fought hard for him and convinced Elissa to cut that part out of the middle of the cake just for him. And this smile made it totally worth it:


Happy Birthday Skyler!!! You are my favorite 13 year old in the world!

Happy New Year!!!

I love New Year's Eve...this year more than any other. It is a fresh start. The (pardon me) shitstorm that was 2008 is over, and this new year just has to be better.

I worked until 5:30 making sure everything was under control for the party that The Hotel throws, and then we headed to Jim and Elissa's for dinner and Wii playing. Dinner was very very yummy. Those two make a quite excellent pot roast. Mmmmm.

The have me addicted to a new Wii game and Jenn and I will be out there buying it soon. (But right now we are still too addicted to a different Wii game to get off our lazy butts and buy a new addiction.) I had way too much fun playing that game with Skyler, Austin and Annabelle. Belle made my heart melt by sitting with/on me the entire time. We really need to make a better effort to get out of our house and see our friends, I miss them. I never realize how much I miss someone until I see them again.

And I made a boo-boo. I forgot to bring my camera in. So no pictures of the fun with them :( (Although I am kinda happy that there is no picture of me doing really really badly at the get the ring on the bottle game lol)

The Jim and Elissa family then headed to her momma's house and Jenn and I headed to Lyz's. Chris was working so it was just her and the girls. I was forced to remember my camera there because Elissa had sent Avery's birthday present and a welcome present to Delaney with us, and wanted pictures of them being unwrapped.

Avery unwrapping a really cool dinosaur:


Avery showing Jenn the sweetest little baby ballet slippers!:


Then we spent a bit watching tv and relaxing. We had only intended upon staying until 9 or so...but after a long bit of roller blading:

and watching Delaney sleep:

it was suddenly 11:30 and we figured we should just wait out the half hour and watch the ball drop.

We toasted the new year in style:

(relax, it's sparkling cider, we didn't get the 3 year old drunk)
We put on some silly hats:

And brought in the new year with a bang of fireworks and pots and pans.
(opps, no picture, must have been a little loopy from the sparkling cider)

The year just has to be better. I'm sorry that we have put so much pressure on you 2009, but you have to come through for us. You simply have to.

Happy New Year to you all...may this be everyone's best yet.

What I am thankful for.

For those of you who don't have the pleasure of getting snapped at when you ask me how I am spending my Thanksgiving, I'll tell you here. Today is Thursday. We are not celebrating any holiday. It will be a day of working for me, and dinner at Ruby Tuesday for the two of us. We just aren't feeling very thankful.

To be honest, there was a vote in our house. I voted against any holiday celebrations. Jenn vetoed me. Well, I let her win. I get no Thanksgiving, and together we will have Christmas. It will suck, and I will change the channel on my radio every time Elvis starts belting out Blue Christmas. No, that is a lie. I will sing along changing the words to suit us better. I'll have a blah Christmas, without Blue.... (I wrote this before Mrs. Spit commented on yesterday's post...Mrs. Spit made me smile!)

I am thankful. There is lots to be thankful for. So...I'm listing some. No, not everything I am thankful for is on this list. If you find that I have missed something huge, please let me know, and I will add it. (the first two are in a particular order, after that, it was just how things fell into my head)

• Jenn
• Blue. Even though he isn't in my arms, he is in my heart. And his teddy bear holds my hand every night.
• All the other angels in heaven looking down on us, not only the ones I have sent, but the ones we have all sent.
  
• Minnesota (my dog, not the state)
• Michigan (my cat, not the state)
  
• Mom, Dad, Marshall
• Lyz, Chris, Avery, Tadpole
• Joni and Dennis
• That Joni found Dennis
• Elissa, Jim, Skyler, Austin and Annabelle
• Brandi and Kristen
• All of my blog friends, without whom I have no idea how I would have made it through these past few months.
• A wonderful job where I am treated like part of the family.
• A roof over my head. (I can't say it keeps me warm, as I don't use the heat, but it does protect me from the elements)
• That friends read my blog and email me when I chide them for never calling me to get my phone number since their phone fell in the toilet.
  
• All of my extended family.
• That Jenn was able to find a job, that she loves, in this horrible economy.

Okay, I'm stopping here. Yes there is plenty more that I have to be thankful for, but these are the things that I am most thankful for.

Enjoy your turkeys, or tofurkies as the case may be. I'll be enjoying my salad bar with yummy periwinkle (or you may call them pumpernickel) croutons. Wishing you all tons of things to be thankful for. May we have many more next year.

Football and Guest Appearances

Yesterday we headed out to watch Belle and Austin's football games. Why we waited until the coldest Saturday to do it, I don't know. We went armed with a full thermos of hot cocoa and heavy sweatshirts.

Austin plays for the C squad. He is really good! In the pictures Austin is number 44 and he has a red long sleeve shirt under his jersey and white shoes, that way we can pick him out!!

Waiting to get announced:


Getting ready to kick off:


They won!!!!!

Belle's game was cute. She plays flag football and from them reading the names off, I'm pretty sure she is the only girl on the team!

It had gotten dark, so the pictures aren't all that great-you can see her in this one, and I'm sharing even though it isn't an action shot. She's wearing black and pink:


After the games we headed to Lyz and Chris's (they live half a block away from the football fields) to steal some warmth from their fire (and get our teasing since Penn State-Chris's team beat Michigan). It was time to do my shot and Chris wanted the opportunity.

I of course made sure pictures were taken. So Dad...you might want to stop reading here.

Drawing up the Lupron:


Injecting Lupron (check out Avery, I was holding her hand and had to keep reminding myself not to squeeze too hard!)


Injecting the Follistim:


Thanks Chris!

Happy 8th Birthday Annabelle!!

Eight years old. How the heck did that happen?? Jenn and I discussed it on the way to the party, and we think the kids should have to ask our permission before they start getting all grown up and stuff.

From a very young age I started training Belle. Training her in what??? Well to be a flamingo lover of course!!! And all of my hard work paid off. Proof is in the icing:



Blowing out the candles:



Waiting for her turn to hit the pinata:



Belle's Birthday Wishlist:

• Pony
• Football
• Remote Control Car

She's a bit of a tomboy, must come from having two older brothers.

We got her a football (of course Auntie Jenn got her a football!!!) and since we couldn't afford a pony, we got her a virtual pet horse game for her DS.

See:


(the smile says it all)

The gap between our two major sets of friends is closing...Lyz and Avery were invited to the party (Chris had a golf tournament to attend). Jenn and Avery spent quite a bit of time swimming in the pool, again, no pictures, my camera hasn't gotten over its fear of water yet.

In the goodie bags there were sets of plastic fangs. My three favorite models showing off their new dentures:

(Avery, Belle's cousin Abbey, and Belle)



Slightly off subject, it's slowly becoming fall here. You wouldn't have known it yesterday, it was the hottest day yet of the year, but it really is. Jenn decorated our bay window with our fall decorations (she really wanted to put the Halloween stuff out, but the rule in my house is Halloween stuff comes out closer to my birthday). Anywho, long story short...they've been ruined. How you ask? See for yourself.



No? You can't figure it out, here I'll give you a close up.



That's a cat head there on the left. Silly cat. She moved the cornucopia out of her way, knocked over a couple of turkeys and pushed a bunch of plaster pumpkins off to the side, so that she could have her place as a baking cat in a window.