Swim team has been released!!

I'm sore. I don't know why I am always so crampy after the IUI, but my goodness I can barely stand up straight at work. Thankfully there isn't much to do today so I am happily strapped in my chair.

Now begins the two weeks of waiting. I keep swearing that there will be no peeing upon the sticks. But...we know me. We know how much I love to pee on sticks. I keep swearing that I won't do it until at least the morning of the blood test, if at all. HA, I doubt this will happen.

The plan if I do last is to not even dip the stick myself. I will leave some pee in a cup, and then magically following behind me the dipstick fairy (aka Jenn) will dip the stick and tell me if it's positive. If it's negative, she won't have to say anything.

Two weeks. How in the world am I gonna make these next two weeks go by without tearing my hair out? The thing is, I don't even think we'll be positive this month. So I don't know why I'm all worried about it. No, I'm not being negative, I just know myself and know nothing ever works for me on the first try lol.

(On a side note, I was all worried about getting weighed today, and ended up that I lost 4 pounds, go me!! Jenn, who always does everything better than me lol, lost 10. Hooker.)

EEKKEE

Called the Fertility Center this morning. It's always weird announcing your period.

HI!! This is Heidi Lastname calling. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that today is cycle day 3!!! (Of course it was Jamie who answered the phone, who I don't like, but only because the first time I ever talked to her she was the bearer of bad news...I should probably get over that)

Moral of the story, start the clomid today. Go in for an ultrasound Thursday, April 3, 12 noon.

Eekkee.

I make little rules for myself. Like, the clomid gets taken at 9:30 each morning. It is 9:29 right now. So I took the little white pills out of their blister pack and they are sitting on the desk in front of me, next to my 9am-11am bottle of water. Waiting....waiting....okay. 9:30am.

{pause while my shaky hands deliver the two pills to my mouth. Guzzle water}

Pills have been swallowed. It is official. We are on the TTC train again. No more caffeine. No more late nights partying (ha!! I'm too old for late nights anyhow), no more crack, no more anything that I have ever read about in a study that might be harmful to pregnancy.

Eekkee. No wait. I'll take after one of my "idols" I won't worry about it today. I'll worry about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.

I only used two kleenex's!!!! (but this will still be a long rambling entry)

We had our three doctors appointments yesterday. Emotionally I did quite well. I only cried in the elevator on the way to the first appointment and then when they took us back to our room, they took us to *the room* and I cried then. I did spend quite a bit of time teary, but not in my full out bawl mode.

Things we learned yesterday both good and bad:

At our regular Dr's office for our surgery follow-ups (we both saw Dr. Martin, Dr. Stabler is out of town)

• I have lost 25 pounds. (the lay in bed all day and eat Oreo's diet worked wonders!)
• Jenn has lost 17 pounds. (yep, same diet for her)
• Jenn has some questionable cells in her cervix and uterus. Since her pap just 6 weeks ago came back perfectly normal Dr. Martin isn't concerned, she thinks it is a mistake due to the fact that the material they tested was collected during the surgery so she is having the lab retest the cells and will get back to us with a better answer. We know our luck, so I'm nervous.
  
• Dr. Martin recommends sitting out two cycles before trying again, but she actually gave me a good reason of why. My uterus was compromised. This wasn't a simple miscarriage at 7 weeks, this was a later loss. Which means my uterus had grown significantly and needs time to heal itself before we try to stretch it out again. This made sense to me. I thought they only wanted us to wait for emotional healing.
• My belly feels fine.
• Jenn's belly feels fine.
• No hoo-haa check was needed. I shaved my legs for no reason.
• My still crying and feeling down is perfectly normal. I do not need to worry that I have crossed the line from mourning to depression. I may even feel this way for a few months. She asked if we had made our appointment with the RE's (reproductive endocrinologist) office to discuss our next steps-yep, we meet with them in 30 minutes! Dr. Martin said that is how she was able to start healing from her miscarriage, get the ball rolling for the next pregnancy.
• Dr. Martin says that the majority of her charts have one miscarriage on them, and that most of her patients go on to have healthy pregnancies and beautiful babies.
  

At the RE's office with Michelle:

• They are very sorry.
• They made me tell them the whole story, every gory detail which I got through okay, I did cry, but not as intensely as I have been.
  
• She is very proud of our weight loss, please lose 10 more pounds by the end of April. (Oreo's and bed, here we come! Just kidding, maybe)
• She would like us to wait two cycles before trying again, and when asked why gave the same answer as Dr. Martin. I like it when Dr's agree with each other.
• We will use the same protocol as the cycle we made Blueberry. 100mg of Clomid, ultrasound monitoring, hCG shot, IUI.
  
• If I don't have my period by February 27, call them and they will put me on Provera which will make me have a period. (we have gone to Florida 6 times, all 6 I got my period the day we come home, I'm hoping that stays historically true this time too, I like to take as few drugs as possible)
  
• Once I get my period I will be put on birth control pills to ensure that the cycle will only be 28 days not two-three months like my unmedicated cycles seem to be. I did ask if taking the pill will throw me off, I've always read that you should stop taking the pill 3-4 cycles before trying to get pregnant. She said that one month is not long enough to build up the pills hormones in your body, it is very common for people going through ART (assisted reproductive technology) to have a cycle or two on the pill between cycles of ART.
  
• So, that brings us to the end of April when we will start trying again.
• She sees no reason why we wouldn't get pregnant lickety split. Jenn says we will get pregnant first shot, I'm not that positive, but I don't think it will take us as long as the first time.
• Keep taking the prenatal vitamins (never stopped, I've been on them two years now lol)
• My TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is actually 0.56 (I thought it was 0.53)-Michelle likes this number and will keep me on the same dosage (again, glad my Dr's both agree)
• My hCG count was actually 2, not 0, but anything lower than five is considered negative.
• All of our STD tests expire in March. So, before we can try again we have to have all of those tests redone. I told Jenn if we fail any, she is in big trouble. We think we'll head the the blood lab next Friday as we head out of town for Florida...get the last bits of nasty out before we head to paradise!!
  
• Michelle wants to look at my cervix. Dang, glad I shaved my legs after all.

Both Dr's asked if we had Blueberry tested for genetic problems. This really ticks me off. Before the surgery everyone told us there was no reason to get him checked, they didn't think anything looked wrong. Now I'm totally worried that I do have some sort of genetic problem and this may happen again. Both Dr's told me not to worry too much over it...sure, please give me one more reason to blame myself for this.

After she was done with the hoo-haa check, I sat back up and covered myself all properly with the sheet, then giggled. I explained that I'm all worried about being modest when everyone in the room (Michelle always seems to have a student following her around) just saw my most private parts. I laughed that I even make sure my underwear is properly folded and hidden in my pants. Why are we so worried about such silly things when our Dr's are about to be in hoo-haaville anyway?

I also laughed about how much I am looking forward to Clomid again. If you need me come the end of April, I'll be the one in the corner sweating my butt off and screaming at people for no reason!!

I am officially no longer pregnant.

I went twice for bloodwork last week to confirm that my pregnancy hormone levels were falling, and to check my thyroid.

My pregnancy hormones are at 0. I am happy that they fell nice and quickly, but it still hurt to hear that. I cried on the phone with Dr. Stabler-I love her. She said she has perfect faith that we can go on to get pregnant again, and carry this one full term. She also told me that she knows how much we loved our baby, and how excited she was for us.

My thyroid level is a little trickier. Normal is .5 to 5.0. Mine right now is .53 so within normal. She does not recommend changing my dosage as we are going to try again, and when we get pregnant we would just have to change the dosage all over again. She even mentioned that being a little on the hyperside of the thyroid level can often aid in conception.

So, it is official. We are back to square one, waiting for my period. Sigh.