Friday, February 20, 2009

Best Friends

It gets harder and harder every year to leave Florida. We really do want to move there. A few years ago we thought long and hard about it, but didn't. Jenn's mother was ill and we wanted to be close by.

Jenn's mother is healthier now, so we could leave and feel at peace about it. But now there are other things holding us here. The biggest one is Jenn's best friend.

They have become rather inseparable.

It hurts me a little, not in a bad way. I am not jealous over their relationship or anything like that. I'm sad that I can't give Jenn someone little to love her as unconditionally as Avery loves her. There is nothing Jenn or Avery could do to each other that would ruin their undying love for each other.

Joni and I had a long talk on the drive home from Florida while Jenn was napping. We talked about God, I told her the whole story of how Jenn and I met and became a couple. We talked about fear and pain. We talked about how I want to be someone different, but at the same time I like the person I am. And she told me something that made me glow from the inside out.

She said, "It is such a wonderful thing as a mother and a grandmother to know that there are people out there that love your daughter and granddaughter as much as you do."

There are often times that I worry that I don't show enough love to those around me. When I am feeling my most broken, I am not sure that the love I am trying to pour forth is sufficient enough, but then again I am often amazed at how much love my heart can hold, even when it feels the most broken. Joni's statement was the proof I needed that we are doing right in the world.

Thank you Grannie Frannie for giving us Joni. Thank you Joni for giving us Lyz. Thank you Lyz for giving us Avery and Delaney. Someday we hope to be able to return all that love to you.

9 comments:

N said...

Beautiful.

anofferingoflove said...

wow. you continue to amaze me with how open and loving you are.

i feel so bitter/angry after being beaten down by ttc for so long...

thats a beautiful pic!

B said...

Love you Heidi.

Jen said...

That is a brillant post. So honest. So true. You have so much to give and your dreams will come true!

insertmetaphor said...

That's a very sweet post.

Heather said...

Your heart is so full of love. You have such an open heart. Love to you.

Anonymous said...

I love you

L

IrishNYC said...

Someday, sooner than later, I hope, you WILL give Jenn that special unconditional someone to love like that.

Your love for your friends is evident in your writing about them. Have no fear you don't love enough.

Tara said...

Brought me to tears. Of course a laundry detergent commercial now brings me to tears, but no really, BEAUTIFUL is the word for this.