Thursday, May 28, 2009

Lots and lots of


Do you ever have tons of stuff you want to blog about, but have no idea how to get the words to flow through your fingers? I've been avoiding my blog, and reading other people's blogs for about two weeks now in an effort to not have to talk about what I actually want to talk about. I haven't even Mingo Monday'd in two weeks. My goodness. I'd promise to get better, but I don't make promises that I am not 100% sure that I can keep. those ever popular bullets, things I am trying to get myself to talk about:
  • Jenn has been offered a job. There are sub-bullets to this, but when I get to them, I'll actually just write a whole post about it. In fact, I am going to try very hard to write about it tomorrow. Because it is 97% a very good thing.
  • I chickened out and we are not trying this cycle.
  • Poor Delaney is going to grow up someday with a bald spot on her head and when she asks why it is there, the only good answer anyone will be able to give her is "Aunt Heidi sniffed all your hair off."
  • The girls softball team is 6-0. They rock.
  • Why can't we all just get along? "We all" being people, my body parts, whatever.
  • I'm getting lost in myself again.
  • I think I need to up my Prozac. Or maybe start taking it regularly. It is pretty bad when you are so darn depressed you don't even care to take the darn pill.
  • I can't believe I just wrote darn. I've been hanging around children to long. Damn. There, I feel a bit better.
  • I filled out a form today and mailed it off asking for information about a local adoption group.
  • I wonder how long it will take Jenn and Lyz to realize what I just typed and wonder when I decided to take such a step. (they know the "thou shalt not talk about adoption for it makes Heidi feel like a quitter" rule.)
  • Jenn is going to be playing on a fast-pitch softball team this season. I am totally excited to watch her, but totally petrified that I might have to socialize.
  • I have a thousand other things which I want to write, but I just can't get them out of my head. Soon. I promise.
  • And soon, I will read all of the 7 million blogs I am behind on.
Thank you for stopping by!


N said...

they know the "thou shalt not talk about adoption for it makes Heidi feel like a quitter" ruleYou have one of those, too? I've got one, and it's in place, unless I'm the one who brings it up, of course. Except nobody ever follows it. *sighs*

I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could proceed this cycle, but please don't let that make you feel like you chickened out. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

welcome back to the blogosphere! sounds like you have a lot going on right now. im eager to hear about jenn's job offer and the exploration of adoption. don't fret over "chickening out" this cycle - you gotta do it when you are good and ready! big hugs!

Pufferfish said...

It's good to see you back. Take it easy on yourself--it sounds like you have a lot of things going on in your Heidi head to process.

Jen said...

So good to hear from you. Sorry you are in a not-so-good-place but you dear, are no quitter and seeking information on adoption is looking at different avenues. Being pro-active is a good thing.

Tara said...

Heidi!! It is a HUGE step you've taken filling out that adoption paper. I hope everything works out for you. You have my full support in whatever you and Jenn decide.

Are you quitting the Continental? Haven't you been there forever?

IrishNYC said...

Don't feel like a quitter for considering adopting! I just had a conversation with a friend of mine who is in the process of adopting. Someone snarked to her "why would you want to adopt a baby? have your own." as if it's that easy. This was a few days after someone I've known my whole life and had no idea what I went through to get pregnant made a horrible comment to me about infertility. I told my adopting friend that a baby is a baby, and you'll be a family no matter if that baby came out of you, or is the product of drugs and cold, artificial insemination. Someday you can look back and tell your baby how hard you worked to make them a part of your life and to give them the loving home they grew up in. That baby of yours that's out there somewhere in the universe right now, no matter how it comes to you, is obviously very wanted, and already very loved. How it gets to you doesn't matter - it'll make you a mother, not a quitter. <3

JamieD said...

Bullets are great for organizing thought in your head. When you feel like it, you can elaborate or not.

Be gentle with yourself. It is hard to get through life with so much, well, unsettlement. Is that a word?

Thinking of you . ..

Amy said...

That is a lot of stuff for anyone to have to write. No wonder you put it on hold. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. I know how hard it can be to try and stay positive when you feel so bad. I'm excited to hear more about your new position at work. Change can be a good thing, although it scares me to death.