Thinking of Blue Day

After much debate in our house, it has been decided that Blue gets two birthdays. We will celebrate with a cake on January 11th, the day he was actually born. But today, June 19th, his expected arrival date will be celebrated also. It is on my calendar as Thinking of Blue Day.

You want to know what is awesome? We aren't the only ones with him on our calendar!! I got this wonderful email the other day:

Hi Heidi,

I only know you via blogs- but I sent you a little notice last year that June 19th happens to be my birthday (this year 42- ouch). I wanted to let you know Blueberry will be celebrated again with my birthday if it is ok with you. I feel we fellow Geminis (Here and in the afterlife gotta look out for one another). I know what it is like to loose a child and hope my remembrance of Blue is ok with you and you I know it is out of thinking it would have helped me a little.

I'll be thinking of you all -

Laura

Happy Birthday to you Laura!! Thank you for making our Blue a part of your life too!!

And over at the Lost and Found and Connections Abound they have a Loss Remembrances section. I had struggled in my head over if I should put an announcement over there or not. See I am the Clicker for the GLBT section of the blogs, and I haven't been doing a very good job. Imagine my surprise when reading the L&F the other day that the decision had been made for me:

LOSS REMEMBRANCES (send in the dates of loss anniversaries and I will post them on the correct day)

• Thinking Miracles will be remembering their unfulfilled due date this Friday. Please go over and give them support.

We miss him. I spent the car ride to work the other morning thinking of all the wonderful things that should be going on now. We should be getting ready to watch this amazing little boy smash into a birthday cake. We should be crying with joy as he takes his first steps.

So many things we have and will miss with our precious son. Our son. He was to be ours to hold. Ours to show off. Ours to kiss booboos and take places and dress in cute little outfits. At Babies R (Not For) Us the other day they had a whole bunch of cute boys outfits that were totally my style. I could totally see Jenn and I dressing Blue in them. Plaids and Skulls and just fun boy stuff. It is amazing. Before I was pregnant with him I had hoped and prayed for girls, I know what to do with girls. But once I was pregnant, and quickly knew that Blue was a boy, I wouldn't have traded our little boy for the world!! I often worry that he felt he wasn't wanted. Like he heard me saying that I only want girls. I hope he knows I love him more because he is a boy.

We miss you Blue. We will never stop. Your teddy bear goes with us everywhere. His are the hands we hold when we wish so badly to hold yours. We love you so much. From the first moment we laid our eyes on you and your happy dancing:

Until the moment we meet again. You will always be our firstborn son. Your mommies love you Blue. Don't you ever forget that.