I had three rather good days in a row, then last night the house of cards crashed down again. I started to think, and that can never be a good thing. I thought about how we would have had our "big" ultrasound to confirm that he is a boy, how I should be feeling him kick but worst of all, I thought about how Jenn and I should be arguing right now about paint colors for the nursery. Friday is our last day of work for what was supposed to be prepare the nursery week. Instead we are going to stick our feet in the glorious sand of Ponce de Leon Inlet.
I am both looking forward to the escape and fearing that running away isn't going to solve my problem. I mean, I fully understand that we are not going to come back from Florida cured of our mourning, that will never happen. But I would like to come back from Florida feeling somewhat relieved of my pain. I am almost 100% positive that this will happen. Just a few days after we get back we get to put the trying again plan into motion. While I am absolutely terrified that we may lose another child, I know that no reward comes without some kind of pain. If we don't work for our rewards, we will never know how sweet they are.
I'll be repeating that mantra in my head a lot over the next few months...or nine months hopefully!
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2 comments:
It does get better, trust me!
I think it is great that you are getting away to catch your breath before starting again-- I'm hopeful for you and reading your blog makes me feel more hopeful for me as well--
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