Thursday, June 19, 2008

To our most loved Blueberry...

Today should be your birthday. Instead it was 23 weeks ago.

We will never be able to put into words how much we miss you. How much we hurt because you aren't here with us. I never realized how much you could love someone...how much loving someone could hurt. Every inch of my body aches to hold you. Every thought I have sends piercing pains into my heart of loss. Everything my eyes see shows me things that would look different if I had you to show me the newness of them.

We had spent 17 wonderful weeks planning for your arrival. Discussing what your name would be, what your room would look like...what you would look like.

As today has approached, I find myself being unable to think about anything other than you. How this was supposed to happen, instead of how it did happen. How we would have fought over who got to hold you the most, snuggle you the most, smell your sweet baby skin the most. I was even willing to fight over changing your diaper.

Please know that you are always the first thing we think about each morning, the last before we drift off to sleep, and you fill our dreams every night. We want nothing more right now than to hold you. You will never be replaced to us. There will always be a little piece of our hearts missing because you aren't with us.

Know your mommies love you dearly, and miss you more than anything.

We love you.

Your Mommies.

19 comments:

Neenie/PawsNY said...

Sending you a hug and my condolences on this difficult day, and on all days. Your words are beautiful :)

B said...

I wish I could be there to hug you both..and help you get through the day. We love you guys. I am very sorry that this is a day of mourning and not a day of celebration for you and Jenn.

Lizzie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you, holding you and Blueberry in the light.

Jen said...

Thinking of you and your Blueberry today.

Kim said...

Many hugs and healing thoughts to you.

R said...

I"m so sorry :( Sending you positive energy and a big hug!!

Estee said...

(((hugs)))

Cibele said...

I know how you fee because I've been there myself. I am sorry. HUGS

Chris said...

Lots of hugs! Thinking of you and Jenn.

Kim said...

So sorry for your loss. What a sweet letter. (((HUGS))) nclm

seriously? said...

Hi I was thinking of you today. It should have been our amazing special day, instead it was a day of sadness.

To the future...

laura said...

I had to say- today IS my birthday and I am so very , very honored to share it with Blueberry. He will always be remembered with me on this day- as you both will. I wwent through a similar loss and its always a difficlut day, but I am greatful those who remmeber DO remember. I wont forget. God Bless- big Hugs-

KatieM said...

Oh hun, my heart goes out to you....((hugs))

C said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers to Heaven for your Blueberry.

Via NaComLeavMo

eggdance said...

I'm sending you both a big hug today. This letter is so beautiful-- thank you for sharing it.

Betseeee said...

The day has passed but I know the feelings never well. I'm thinking of you, and I hope more happiness than you can handle enters your life soon.

Ahuva Batya said...

Heidi, my heart just aches for your loss and your sadness. I am so sorry, beyond words. You're right, there will always be that little one in your heart. I hope that someday it is sharing space with more happiness and children as well.

Gia said...

Sigh.....You knwo I have no words as i sit here with tears right.....

Josh said...
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