Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Lies We Tell Ourselves and Others

They are little lies. They are not meant to hurt someone, more like delay their hurt. It's the little lies we fuel ourselves with, or others, to get them through to the next blood test, pee stick or day.


My blank pee sticks on 13dpo. "It's too early" she said. "It's only 13dpo."
Lie. It's not too early, my body always gives me a positive by day 12. But, it makes me feel better for that day. I have hope that tomorrow may bring a positive, instead of my period.

The first beta comes back at 78, the second at 84. Now you've got to start pulling up the stories. You either say "Vanishing twin" or "It must have been the trigger shot still in your system" or "I knew a girl on my message board that had the same thing happen, she's now holding her four month old son." Lie. Yes, I'm sure it happens, I even know someone it has happened to. But as Lyz said "It just doesn't happen to us."

We don't tell the lies to be mean or hurtful, we are honestly telling them to delay the tears, even just a bit.

I've told the lies, I've been lied to. What I want to know is in this situation, would you rather have the lie which comes with one extra ray of hope, or would you rather know the truth and just start the crying and mourning now?

Me? I can handle the lies. It does only give me one little ray of hope, the other 99% of me still knows the truth, and yes, I can handle the truth. I just need all of you to support me. And thank you for doing so.


JamieD said...

I would have to say the lies are worse. I would rather know the truth than be left grasping at little straws of hope.

Mrs. Spit said...

You know, I don't know if I think of the lies as lies. Mostly I think they are accepting the truth of a situation, slowly and gracefully, in my own time.

Lizzie said...

The fact that my nipples are sore today, which is usually my earliest sign of a period coming, means nothing. I could be pregnant. Yup, liar extraordinaire.

Big hugs.

giggleblue said...

some times you just want the truth regardless of how bad it helps. i can respect that. anyone can.

Anonymous said...

I find that I need a little of both. Anyway, whatever you need, we are here to give it to you. Big love--

B said...

I'm with eggdance, I need both.