Thursday, January 8, 2009

Let us now discuss food shall we?

Still sick. Still can't figure out how to turn off my nose faucet. That was a delightful image I just put in your head wasn't it?

You all seemed so darn impressed by my weirdness with things I don't like...let us see how you feel about my weird eating habits? K?

I have seven major food rules.

  • Food Cannot Touch. Yes, we already discussed this, but I will go into a little further. There is also no layering of food. No, I don't mean no lasagna. But there is this certain family I know that eats baked beans on top of their tuna casserole. Oh My Gosh. Ew. (Side note about my weird foodness--I prefer my baked beans cold.) I don't even really like gravy on my mashed potatoes because you know what happens when the mashed potato wall crumbles? EKKE!! Gravy leaks out and starts running into the other foods. So not okay. **There are exceptions to the food not touching rule, example-Creamed Corn over my Mashed Potatoes. It is a comfort food for me.**
  • Food must be eaten in a certain order. There is no bite of mashed potatoes, bite of broccoli, bite of mashed potatoes. No. Eat all of the mashed potatoes, then eat all of the broccoli. Jenn first noticed this oddity in me while eating fast food. I either eat all of my burger then my fries, or all of my fries then my burger. I can't dabble in each item, all must go at once. This can get broken down further. If there are multiple items on my plate I save my favorite and least favorite items for last. I eat the favorite, then the least favorite. Why? Because I want the favorite to dance on my tongue. And what if I don't have enough room to clean my plate? Then at least it is the least favorite that gets left behind :)
  • I can't eat out of the container. If Jenn brings me a bag of potato chips, she also brings me a paper plate or a bowl. I hate eating out of the bag. Your hands get all icky and crummy and gross. It isn't okay. Salsa also follows this category, but chip dip does not. I don't know why. I will have to contemplate that and figure if there is a real reason, or if I am just odd. (I think we already know the answer to that...)
  • Chips/Crackers. If you give me a plate of potato chips or crackers or such item I divide them up before I eat. All of the broken pieces go on one side and whole pieces on the other. Broken bits get eaten first. Then the whole pieces. This is because I feel bad for the broken parts. They usually get ignored and left behind. No one wants them. They fall to the bottom of the bag and get labeled crumbs. Poor broken chips.
  • Peanut butter. Yes, I have already discussed this item also. My dislike for it isn't 100%. There are times when nothing but a yummy peanut butter, jelly and potato chip sandwich will squelch my appetite. But they will be regular potato chips. Not barbecue. (Jenn likes her pbj and chips with bbq chips...ew.) I blame my mother for my peanut butter aversion. She used to torture me as a child and force me to make her peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. Urgh. Even thinking about that has given me the chills.
  • M&M's. These get divided by color. Then evened out. So...say you have five reds, four blues, six browns, three yellows and four greens okay. Here is how they get eaten. First mouthful is one red and one yellow, therefore making all the numbers even. Then the yellows. There were only two of them. Then the reds or blues...four each. Eaten two at a time. One color then the other. Not two reds, two blues, two reds, two blues. No. Two reds, two reds, two blues, two blues. Then the 6 browns, two at a time. Then the greens last, but still two at a time. I like the greens I save them for last.
  • I have texture issues. Peas and Blueberries are disgusting. This isn't to say I don't like the flavor of them. Blueberry pies and poptarts are okay. Split pea soup is okay. But to eat the actual item for me is like eating eyeballs. They pop in your mouth and ...... ick. We already know that I don't like eyeballs very much. I don't like bread, rice or tapioca pudding...weird textures. I do like cottage cheese though. Go figure. (Especially with peaches on top...yum!)
I am now singing...Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...getting to like you...getting to hope you like me....

So...tell me about it. What weird food habits do you hang on to? Do your friends/spouses stare at you while you are eating hoping to catch you fouling up on your "rules"? You can answer in the comments or on your own blog...just leave me a comment here to go read about yours!

(Jenn's Aunt Nancy likes to sit next to me at family functions just to watch my weirdness. When we eat dinner at her house, she has a special divider plate just for me--she loves me!!)


Rachel said...

OMG, I have FINALLY found my sensory aversion soul mate!!!!!

Everyone laughs at me and mocks me for my bizarre food 'rules.'

Thank you for confirming my suspicion that I'm NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!

PS I use the plates with the dividers all the time to keep my foods from touching. There is nothing so gross as corn juice running into your potatoes!!!

And casserole??? No freakin' way. There's no way I'm eating that many different ingredients mixed together in a pan.

A said...

Very cute post. I've heard of people like you who can't have food touch but never met one. :)

I'm the opposite. I make the perfect bite. I put a little of each thing on my fork and eat it together. I can't just eat something by itself. Well, I can, but I don't like it as much.

Thanks for sharing!

N said...

But there is this certain family I know that eats baked beans on top of their tuna casserole.

Ew ew ew, I couldn't actually finish the post, that grossed me out so much.

Mrs. Spit said...

I do the same thing with my m and m's.

I also eat my carbs first, then my veg and finally my meat. It's just the way I do it. I'm trying to break the habit. . ..

vee said...

Heh! The crisp thing (potato chips) - SNAP! And the M&Ms, except I prefer Smarties. I'm with A on the many foods on one forkful philosophy though.

And my weirdnessess? I have Toast Rules - does that count?

Jen said...

I also have texture issues...if I am eating something typically soft in texture, say a bean burrito, I can't have something crunchy in there as well, i.e. onions, lettece, etc. I also will NOT eat any sort of meat salad b/c of the texture...ham salad, chicken salad, tuna salad, etc. I think it is the most horrible texture and consistancy EVER.

Aside, I also love mashed potatoes and corn!

Seriously? - Erin said...

I have some similar weird food things. I like you eat all of something before going onto the next thing. I also eat around anything round like a veggie burger or a sandwhich on a round roll.

I sort my skittles and eat them in a certain order too.

Your comment about feeling bad for broken chips made me laugh. I feel bad for anything that usually gets left behind...

This Mom said...

Oh my gosh, this was the best post EVER! I totally have weird food rules too, INCLUDING the eating of the broken chip/cracker pieces first. I wouldn't have considered that weird though, so I'm going to have to think about this some more before I post my own. There are probably some I've never thought of as weird...must ask wife.

Travelher and Pufferfish said...

Wow, that is some list. I don't think I really have any food rules. I eat almost everything. I don't mind things touching. Crunch/soft, you can put those together, I'm OK with that.
I don't like the texture of raw oysters.
I do like to eat the broken chips first because I delude myself into believing they don't 'count'.

Oh wait here's something: I don't like my lips to touch the fork and will sometimes scrape my teeth on it instead of using my lips. This is also so I don't have to reapply my lipstick b/c I'm vain.

I also don't like my fingers to get dirty when eating hand held foods and will eat with as few fingers touching the food as possible. My friends crack up at this and call it the bird pose. So dainty. So weird.

Donna said...

We must be long lost food twins!

1. I HATE for any of my food to touch. I usually put each item in an individual bowl. (I LOVE cold baked beans too...)

2. I eat my least favorite thing first and my most favorite last.

3. I eat all of one thing at a time. Absolutely no mixed bites.

4. I eat all of the broken crackers, chips etc... first

5. I sort all candy/multi color food by colors or make elaborate color patterns for eating order.

Teaberry said...

I have some similar things, too-- I don't normally mind my food touching, but I do like to eat all of one thing at a time, never a bite of this or a bite of that.... I usually leave my meat for last because I like it best.

I also do the odd/even number thing. I don't like odd numbers for some reason. Except 5. 5 seems okay, but when I think about it right now in terms of M&M's as you described it, it might bug me to have 5 of one color....yes, thinking about it for a minute, it probably would. But 5 of like, chips or something would be okay. I guess I like to make sure things can make a pattern if I tried.

I also make bets about my food, particularly candy that comes in many colors, like skittles, mentos or starbursts. I say, "If a purple one comes out of the bag such and such is true..." etc.

I have rituals for certain foods, too. Like, I can't eat the pith/casing around citrus fruits. I hate it. I always open them and eat the cells inside. And Junior Mints--I have to pierce each one with the tab from the box and fold the mint in half so I can see the goo inside, then I can eat it. I have no idea why... !

I am sure I can think of some more if I sat here and thought about it.

Anonymous said...

i eat M&Ms the same way! and today at lunch, i ate all the broken tortilla chips first, leaving the perfect round ones for the end!!

i have a friend who won't eat the "ends" of things -- so, she won't eat the last bite of a french fry, of a hot dog, etc. she'll eat the first bite -- which, i have pointed out to her, is also technically an "end", but she doesn't see it that way. strange.

Tara B said...

Very interesting Heidi!! I know the tuna noodle/baked bean family. So absolutely disgusting. The meal, not the family. Here's my weird food things, although they may not be too weird to you. I HATE the texture of pears. Way, way too gritty. I can only eat the very outside of peaches. If I get anywhere close to the pit, I freak out. I'm trying my hardest to think of other things, and I can't. Anyway, this was a VERY funny post. Thanks.

Ninefirefly said...

Ok, my food aversions This is quite a list). I cannot have stuff in my ice cream unless it blends completely, like syrup. No nuts, no sprinkles, no whipped cream (this is becuase the whipped cream get too cold and the texture gets weird). I can't eat any type of bread that has gotten soggy. That makes sandwiches interesting because neither the lettuce or the tomato can directly touch the bread it can only touch the mayo or mustard. Which means I have never been a fan of;s with the au jus. If scrambled eggs are not 'burn your mouth' hot I refuse to eat them. Also if they have that weird egg film on them. Or if they are over easy eggs they cannot be jiggly. Yogurt cannot have chunks of anything in it. Hohos must have the chocolate peeled off them, unrolled, then eaten. Cheese pizza is the only acceptable type and the cheese can't be brown. One jalepeno is to be placed seperately on each bite without eating the crust unless it is stuffed crust. Sometimes M will hand me something to eat just to see how I approach the situation. What a nice wife I have, I'm glad I amuse her. :)

Theresa said...

This was great. I will have to think on all of my food issues

Tara said...

Where's your post for the day? I'm sad. I thought of another food thing. The person who commented after me has it too. Yogurt has to be smooth yogurt. No pieces of fruit, and fruit on the bottom?? Just thinking of it makes me want to hurl. Also, I love tomatoes, but cannot eat marinara sauce because of the chunks of tomato. Same with salsa.

Anonymous said...

You may have ruined blueberries for me.

Not that I've ever loved them - I've kind of had a take em or leave relationship with the. Except for pies. But pies make everything bearable.

You see, we had fresh blueberries and strawberries for dessert last night. I was happily spooning the strawberries into my mouth and they were DElicious!

Then a blueberry popped in.

I rolled it round my mouth a little as a tiny seed of a thought entered my brain.

You know when you forget the name of something/one and just bugs the hell out of you until you remember? It was like that. Something I was forgetting.

Then I bit down and it all came rushing back - EYEBALLS.

So I thank you for that ;) lol

JamieD said...

Food CANNOT touch on my plate. EVER!