Tuesday, January 6, 2009

These are a few of my least favorite things...

I'm sick. Sooooo sick. I am a snot bucket. I came home from work Monday and slept on the couch from 4 until 8 when Jenn decided that I would probably be more comfortable sleeping in bed. Then I was wide awake at 3:30am. After moaning loudly several times, Jenn finally got the hint and woke up to keep me company. We stayed up watching stupid television shows until 6 when she decided that I would need a sleeping pill to fall back to sleep, so she fed me breakfast. She rocks. I have not left the bed all day other than to pee. And I have done a lot of peeing today. I did hook up the Wii upstairs for her so she has been playing Animal Crossings all day while I doze off and on.

Thank you Jenn for being here for me. See...this is why you needed to be unemployed this week...to take care of me.

Now, I'm sure you are wondering what this has to do with my least favorite things? And yes, I know you are still wondering why I haven't filled you in on all of my obsessive behaviors, but this cold has brought a whole different post into my head so you get to read about it first!! And it will be brought to you in bullet style, because I haven't utilized that enough lately.

In case you haven't come to this realization already...I am odd. I am really quite peculiar. So, my list of things I don't like/am afraid of is different than you might expect.

  • Spiders. Okay, I'll give you that this one is rather normal. I hate them. I cry and freak and throw huge large hissy fits. To make matters worse, every spring and fall our house becomes infested with huge large spiders. Our neighbors must love me. Huge large screams fill the air. If I am home alone when a spider attacks, I cover him with a large cup and slide a piece of cardboard between the floor and the spider (they are too large to climb walls...gag). Then they get placed in the freezer. I can't squish them, it hurts me. That horrible sound...ekke. Example of a spider that has tried to kill me...
***picture of spider removed to protect the innocent***
  • Vacuums. I hate them. I blame my mother. Once upon a time I convinced her to purchase this beautiful dark green carpet. We had a white dog. They two did not make a good match. So I had to vacuum every day. Now did that actually happen (the me vacuuming every day, not the carpet part) heck no, but it happened often enough that I not hate vacuums. The poor lobby maid at The Hotel has to start work at 6am so that the lobby is vacuumed before I get in...or else I freak.
  • My food touching my other food. Now this is really a bigger can of worms. But the bigger can will have to be opened in yet another post. Anywho, they can't touch. The only exception to this rule is holidays. Well, you have to have all the good stuff on your plate on the first serving, or else you might miss some!!
  • Saliva. Really, any bodily fluid is foul in my opinion. I can't share glasses with anyone...ew. Not even straw sharing. Not even two straws in the same glass one being mine and one being someone else's. So gross. I wipe my face off anytime someone kisses me...ew. I about die when people spit while they are talking. The other night I was sitting on the couch between Chris and Avery and she and I were goofing off. For some reason she licked me. I squealed and said you are so lucky I love you and wiped off my hand. Chris thought this was hysterical and the two of them proceeded to try and lick every part of my body that was exposed to air. ARUGHHHHHHHHHH. Wrong!!! Avery thought it was the funniest thing ever and was giggling with delight as she wagged her tongue around on the outside of her mouth. Tongues belong in your mouth peeps. Enough said.
  • Blowing my nose. Which is how this post started. I hate it. Most people really hate to vomit. I will vomit a hundred times rather than blow my nose. This also ties in with the above that all bodily fluids are foul. Blowing my nose makes me cry. Then I end up with a Ruldoph nose for three weeks too. Grrr.
  • Needles/Blood. Yes, I have been through injectables, but that didn't make me like needles anymore. Blood is again a bodily fluid. Once upon a time Jenn was in the hospital having a baby, I mean kidney stone, and Lyz accidentally pulled Jenn's iv line...this caused the reverse effect, instead of drugs flowing into Jenn, Jenn's blood flowed into the iv. Chris saw this happen and had me out of the little curtained off area in 3.4 seconds. I try very hard not to be bothered by blood, but it doesn't work. When Annabelle had to get stitches in her head (long story, involving and older brother and a baseball bat) I had to leave the room. While my need to comfort Annabelle was huge, the need to not get my own stitches in my head was huger.
  • Eyeballs. May also link a little to the bodily fluids fear. I hate the sound of people rubbing their eyeballs, it makes this awful squishing sound. AWFUL. I have the chills right now even thinking about the sound. When I was in 9th grade we had to dissect a cow's eye...oh my gosh. I think I died a little that day.
  • Peanut Butter, and the breath. I hate it. Add Dorito breath to that too. It is so disgusting. The night auditor at The Hotel asked me on New Year's Day if I had had my lucky pork and sauerkraut to start the new year...um no, don't really care for pork. "So," he said, "If I took a nice pork loin, slathered it in peanut butter and then rolled it around in Dorito crumbs you'd simply die wouldn't you?" Um, yes. A million deaths caused by a million paper cuts.
Okay, as I was imagining this list in my head earlier I swear there were several other things that I wanted to add, but I am at a loss for them right now...must be the new sleeping pill Jenn slipped me. If I think of more I will add them, but not tonight, I have to go work up the courage to blow my nose.

10 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

WHY did you have to put the picture of the spider in? It absolutely guaranteed that I would scroll past it, and any text. Seriously. Just moved past it, shuddering!

I once ran over to my neighbours, wrapped in a towel and a bathrobe, begging him to kill a spider in the shower for me. ..

I am *that* pathetic.

IrishNYC said...

Re: Food touching...

My sister has that particular affliction too (it's actually very common for teen girls to develop this, and some never break the habit). Every time we see her for Thanksgiving JB makes sure to sit next to her, because while she sits there carefully making sure the 18 different foods on her plate don't touch, JB points out to her that he's mixing everything on his plate into one big mess. Freaks her out every time.

vee said...

Is it so wrong of me to have found that list so funny (and touching). Knowing your weirdnesses lets me know and love you that little bit more. Cool! You should start a meme.

Bree said...

Sorry you're sick. Suuuuuuuuck. Glad you have such a great caretaker, though.

anofferingoflove said...

ug, maybe i shouldn't have read that list while eating (my very mixed up and touchy) lunch. ;-)

i want to echo vee - its cool to learn all those details about you! i totally agree re: the spiders. i hate bugs that crunch when squished. ick!

Jen said...

So sorry that you are sick, but it sounds like you have someone wonderful to take care of you.

That is a freakin' hilarious list and I find that we have many things in common...scary. :)

Anonymous said...

I think your readers may start to wonder why you are even friends with us LOL. Chris pepper sprays Jenn. We have our 3 yr old torment you by licking you. I pull out Jenn's IV.... awww good times
L

jenn said...

hey anonymous,

It never a dull moment with you and Chris...Thats why we love you.

B said...

You are one freaky girl Heidi. I don't think i'd like you otherwise though. You made me laugh. : )

Mimi said...

u are so funny....my husband and I share the SAME glass of milk every night for dinner....why dirty two glasses....lol....the food touching is funny....