Sunday, November 2, 2008

Friendly Hotel Front Desk Clerk Strikes Again

So.....at the end of October every year there is a conference across the street at Ye Ole Convention Center. Thousands of people, with the average age of 74 flock, from states around to come play Bridge.

FHFDC asks for your forgiveness as a lot of what she is about to say is stereotyping, but in her 10+ years of service as a FHFDC she has come to find that the stereotype fits the crime.

Dear Bridge Players,

1-If FHFDC is on the phone, no matter how loud you tap your fingers on the desk, hurmph loudly or yell "I'm trying to get checked in here", FHFDC will not speed up. In fact FHFDC might go a little slower. Oh I'm sorry person who I am taking the reservation from, I must have entered your credit card number wrong...can you repeat it? Slowly?

2-The hotel is offering a shuttle bus (aka fancy Mercedes that belongs to the owner) as a courtesy to you. We don't want you to fall half way across Busy Highway and break your brittle bones. Therefore, please forgive FHS (Friendly Hotel Staff--FHFDC hates driving, therefore has never set foot in the shuttle bus, not even in an emergency) when they have to pause, run inside and use the restroom, and run back out to the shuttle bus in less than three minutes. The game doesn't start until 1pm, and it is only 11:45am. And, if you begin to scream and holler at FHFDC and tell her that FHS is a moron, please expect nothing less than an eyeroll followed by the phrase "I'm sorry ma'am, when nature calls..."

3-There is nothing FHFDC can do about this:

Every fall they flock to our county and fling themselves on the warm bricks that happen to be facing the sun. The only way to get rid of them is to cut down all the trees they live in. For a 10 mile radius. We here in AmishLand happen to like our trees and refuse to cut them down. FHFDC doesn't like the fact that everytime she opens Hotel Front Door, four of them fly at her. FHFDC also has to hold in a laugh when you start screaming about the cockroaches in your room. Seriously, if you can't tell the difference between a cockroach and a box elder bug...you don't deserve to complain.

4-You are rude. FHFDC cries when the end of October rolls around because she knows you are coming. FHFDC fears you. No matter how nice, sweet, kind, full of wonderful customer service FHFDC is...you still complain. FHFDC normally tries to hurry herself along to get you out of the lobby (unless you are being rude and begin to complain that FHFDC is too slow, in which case FHFDC will try to prove you right, because well, the customer is always right, right?) because FHFDC wants to deal with you as little as possible.

5-Last, but not least, ONE person in front of you does not constitute a line to long for you to wait in. It takes FHFDC, on average, 2.5 minutes to check someone out, and that includes making small talk, thanking you for staying, and inviting you back again. Have just one ounce of patience, and we will all get along better.

Sincerly,
Friendly Hotel Front Desk Clerk

2 comments:

vee said...

Ack! You should come and work in the UK - our bridge players are far more polite!

B said...

Oh yuck! That sounds completely miserable. I never thought I'd be thankful for the fact that most of the people I deal with are on the phone...if they were to be facing my desk like that..I'd have to go to prison for murder.