I've got relatives in town this holiday weekend!

Aunt Flo arrived this morning!

Let the hyperventilating begin!

All Gone!!!!!

What's all gone you might ask?? Why two things.

First, three minutes ago I swallowed my last birth control pill. I should have renamed it "cycle" control pills. Either way, they are gone, now I just wait for Flo to show!!

Second, my hair. 13.5 inches donated to Locks of Love, and another few inches lost in making it all even. I got some layers cut in, and I like it. Well, I like it as much as I can after seeing my beautiful hair disappear!! For your enjoyment...pictures!

Before: (I was getting my nails done while Jenn took the picture)



After: From the back!



After: From the front (It is a little flat due to the loverly weather we are having!



It is so light, and then my back was cold cause there was no hair covering it!! (that sounded bad lol)

Now I just have to try not to waste the gallon of shampoo tomorrow while washing it!!!

The Innocence of Children. Or, I wish I had the answer sweetie.

On Thursday night we saw Skyler, Austin and Annabelle for the first time since the night we told them they were going to be "cousins". Elissa had already filled them in that we lost Blueberry, but this is the first time we've seen them.

When we got to the field (it was the coaches meeting for Annabelle's softball team, Jenn is Elissa's assistant.) Jenn got right out and went to say hi to Austin and Annabelle (Skyler was trying out for the travel baseball team). I stayed in my car and chatted with Elissa. Jenn and Belle came walking over and Jenn told her "It's okay, you can ask."

"Heidi," said Belle, "why did your baby die?"

This is something she has been asking Elissa a lot. When she asked Jenn, Jenn responded "I don't know." Belle said "that's okay, I'll ask Heidi."

I told her the same thing. I don't know. I wish I did know. She asked if we were going to have another one and I told her we are going to try. She liked that answer and ran off. Elissa said that Belle really wants there to be a baby, so she thinks that if Jenn and I don't have one, that Elissa should.

After she ran off Jenn asked if I was okay. I was a little teary, but I love that she wants to know, and I hate that I can't tell her. I hate that I can't tell myself or Jenn or anyone that wants to know.

Birth control pill packs come in packs of 28. Four rows of 7.

The first row of 7 I partied each night doing a countdown...27...26...25...24...23...22...21...

The second row of 7 I was quiet about it. Swallowed each pill dutifully. I even stopped complaining about them giving me the poops.

I'm in the third row. The fourth row doesn't really mean anything, they are just sugar pills, meant to help those actually using them for birth control to keep on track, so I don't need those ones.

There are now only 4 pills left, and each night when I swallow one, I start to panic a little bit. I'm nervous. I'm kinda afraid to get pregnant again. Which I am hope is totally normal. I'm not saying I don't want to be pregnant, or even that I don't want to try. I'm just afraid to be pregnant. My poor doctors office will have to let me in everyday to check the baby's heartbeat (or babies if you follow Jenn's dreams and believe that this will be twin girls). I'm afraid to tell everyone until I can't hide it with clothes anymore. But I'm not going to stop blogging, so anyone who reads this will know when it happens. And I'll have to tell everyone that doesn't read this so that they hear it from me, and not through the grapevine. I want a new baby(ies he he) to be as celebrated as Blueberry is, so everyone is going to know. I just hope I don't have to untell everyone again.

We've got a little wager going between Jenn and I. She thinks that now that we know how my body works, we'll get pregnant first shot. I know my luck, that ain't gonna happen. I say at least the second try. I also know my body. I've been told that Aunt Flo should show up 2 or 3 days after the pills run out. So, I translate that to my body to mean at least a week, if not two!!

Anywho, I must be off to Skyler's birthday party. We'll be playing lazer tag and watching a lazer light show. And by we'll I mean that I will be helping Elissa hold down the fort and take pictures!!

I will smile all day...

...because of this. (Click on the word this momma!!)

I would pay to see each one if they split it into 50 movies...just so it would never end.

Things that are irritating me on this fine Wednesday morning.

Presented to you with bullets.

• People who refer to their MasterCard as MasterCharge.
  
• While we are at it, yet I haven't heard this today: People who refer to their Discover card as a Discovery card.
• Applicants who don't bring a pen.
• Applicants who do bring their three screaming children, and two friends.
• Applicants who continue to scream at the aforementioned three screaming children. Didn't they bring the friends to be babysitters?
• The hole in my lip that just caused me to spill a whole precious ounce of my once weekly 12-ounce chai-tea.
• People who tell me "I'm in your system" and when I respond "we got a new system a few months ago so we no longer have your information" still don't understand why I don't have their address memorized since they stayed here once 8 years ago.
• I came to the realization last night that I will taking my Clomid during the Quilt Show. The Quilt Show is hands down the busiest week of the year at the hotel, and the most stressful. I already sweat buckets while delivering the 8 million packages that come via UPS and FedEx each day. Now I'm gonna be adding the wonderful Clomid-crazies on top of it all!
• My resolve not to take any medicines that aren't 100% medically necessary (for example Advil). I have a killer headache and would love some right now.

I think that concludes my list for now. I will be back later with updates if needed.

It's the 11th again.

It seems that the 11th of a month will always be something to do with Blueberry. I started my period September 11th, I got my first positive pregnancy test October 11th, he was "born" January 11th. Today, March 11th he was buried.

He was buried in a casket with all of the other babies who were born too soon since January 9th. It was a beautiful service, and there were 14 other families besides us. We took some flowers for him, blue and gold carnations. During the service the chaplain asked each family to put a rose in a vase to commemorate the births of our babies, then they gave us each a matching rose to take home.

Please never let me have to see another casket that small.

Thanks Mom!

I "worked" eight hours today. Let me break that down for you.

Hours I actually did what I am paid to do: 0.75
Hours I spent working on homework: 1.25
Hours spent playing with my mom's Webkinz: 6