Softball game...and a small, TTC related, panic attack.

We won our softball game again tonight!! That makes us 3-0. Tonight's game was especially awesome because every single girl hit and got on base!! It was so awesome to see their happy faces!!!! And the parents faces being so proud of their girls!

I was very proud of Belle...not only did she do an awesome job pitching, but she several good plays in the infield with catching or throwing the balls!!


To be honest though, I think Jenn did more pitching than any of the girls on either team! (If a girl gets 4 balls thrown to her, instead of walking, her coach comes out and pitches to her)

A few of our girls had to leave early, and that left us with only one outfielder. Very rarely does the ball actually get hit into the outfield, so we used a substitute...Avery!

(We sent Chris out with her just to be safe)

On to the panic. Last night I had a minor meltdown. We watched the movie The Business of Being Born. It was very interesting, didn't really didn't teach me anything that I didn't already know, but it was fun to watch! I will never have the peaceful home birth in a pool that I wanted. I'm too high risk now with the losses, and my advanced maternal age. And besides, at this point I want all the fetal monitoring I can get my hands on. But I do still want it to be somewhat peaceful

But today, in fact 10 minutes ago I had a whole new panic. All of our paperwork is in and we are ready to order our swimmers from the new sperm bank that we will be using. I got the email tonight. That means that this week we took two steps towards the TTC front. I've been trying to slowly enter my way back into the TTC world...two steps in one week is a little much for me!! (step one was receiving my wonderful package of drugs from Lori!) All will be well though.

This means that everything is a go. Sperm...check. Drugs...check. Woah. All we are waiting on now is my period...I say we have about two weeks to go before that shows up, since I'm not on drugs. We've bought our tickets, we are just waiting for the train to pull into the station!!

I believe in Angels!!!!

Do you know what this is?:


That is 8 boxes of 900iu Follistim!! My wonderful friend and angel Lori sent them to me. You see, this isn't a regular collection of Follistim...it is a lucky collection of Follistim. It was waiting for her in her fridge to use when BAM she got pregnant!!

Thank you so much Lori. I will be forever indebted to you. Like I said before, I owe you my first(live)born child...but that will be what you gave me!!!

Ovarian Drama

Stupid lazy ovaries. We plan to start trying again on my next cycle. Because of that this past cycle I have been faithfully peeing on a variety of sticks, temping, checking my cervical mucus, and other things that I will not admit to the public involving something that I may or may not have stolen from my RE's office. (Dude, they have a lot of my money...one little piece of metal isn't going to be missed.)

You know what all the peeing and checking and temping and stealing got me? Nuffin. Oh sure, there were little glimmers of hope here and there. A temp dip. Darkening lines. Some stretchy cm. Even a few twingies here and there. Um, yeah, it is cycle day 23. No line to be seen. No temp jump. No nothing. Even if for some odd reason my cranky ovaries were to decide to let loose some egglings here in the next few days, it is way too late in my cylce for me to think they were good eggies. Even if I was straight and had spermies available whenever my little heart desired them, I would never have an opps baby. That makes me feel rather good to be honest.

At the same time, it makes me feel like such a failure. Such a fake. My heart and my head desire motherhood so much, but the rest of my body defys me. Even if I could ovulate on my own, my body is cruel and kicks the new little life out. Stupid body. Over a year ago I wrote a letter to my body trying to make peace with it. Couldn't we just get along? Here we are a year later, another dead child later, but still in the same place.

I need to get myself out of this hating myself funk again. I was doing so well for the months that I thought nothing of TTC. (Yes, of course I still thought about it, how can I not. But it wasn't a stressful thought, it was an oh off in the future we will do this kinda thought.) Now that the focus is back on trying again I feel like those damn walls are closing in on me.

I used to have a framed picture of Christ on my bedroom wall growing up. While Christ and I aren't on speaking terms, the words on that picture still very much speak to me.

I didn't say it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

This certainly hasn't been easy. Please let it be worth it.

The Purpose Driven Anything

One of my favorite bloggers Mrs. Spit (who I found has a Facebook page, so I am starting to believe she actually exists.) posted a very interesting blog this morning. Please go read it before you continue on with reading my blog today.

I wrote a really long comment for her blog, and blogger went and ate it. Mean blogger. But I guess in a way it is good because it gave me something to contemplate and blog about myself.

Purpose Driven. I can't say that I am a very purpose driven kinda gal. I'm going to be literal here and talk about driving. I hate driving. I hate being behind the wheel. But being in the passenger seat thrills me. I love a good road trip. Yes, there is an ultimate destination in mind, so you are driving with a purpose, but the drive doesn't always have to be purposeful.

Lyz and I have often talked about the rules we won't enforce upon our children. Her big one is that she will allow her children to blow bubbles with their straw in their milk. She wasn't allowed to as a kid. Me, I will let my kids dictate our road trips. We used to vacation in northern Michigan and along the drive you would see these billboards. Mystery Spot 120 miles. Mystery Spot 90 miles...etc. I wanted to stop. We never did. If my children see their own version of the Mystery Spot, we will stop for them.

When we drive to Florida every year it is in the dark. We typically leave around 5pm and arrive at our destination around 7am. Jenn is glad we do this in the dark because it means there is less traffic and she can drive a little faster. I am glad we do it in the dark because it means that I can't be tempted by all the billboards.

Oh the billboards. One year I was sick so we ended up making the drive during daylight. The billboards were everywhere. Every five miles there was one for South of the Border. There was one every two miles for a strip club. Neither place was a real draw for me, but the billboards tempted me off my path. While I really wanted to get to Florida in a hurry, the billboards called to me "We won't take long if you stop...you'll be back on the road soon." Yet, we never stopped. What would I really want to see at a seedy strip club? Um, ewww. Even from the highway you could see it wasn't a place I would want to go. Dirty...um ew. And South of the Border, I've been there once, it wasn't for me either. Very cute and kitchy, but dirty and that isn't for me.

But all of this not driving purposely sent my head off on a tangent. The only thing I have been purposely driving for over the last five years is a baby. Yes, there have been detours that have veered me off my path. I'm on one of those distractions now. But I won't be stopped.

We will reach this destination. Right now there is no insurance coverage, and Jenn doesn't have a job, so we've stopped at a rest stop. As with my drives to Florida, I will still reach this destination. I will arrive at "You Are Here". There may be more bridges closed, or tempting billboards along the way, but we will overcome them. We will hold our child someday. Maybe the road will change and we will hold a child that we have adopted rather than created. Maybe the road will change and we will have better insurance to move forward with IVF. I don't know. I can't see that far ahead.

All I do know is that for one thing and one thing alone I am purpose driven. And no road block will stop me.

Blah

I had a work problem this morning and had to cancel my beta. Which is fine with me honestly. I hate that phone call. I know I am not pregnant. Yes, there are women out there who can wait for the beta...not me. I've been peeing on lots of sticks and other than that one perfectly beautiful evap line, I've got nuffin. And I am somehow not freaking out. Yes, we only have one more shot, but all is well. With or without children Jenn and I are going to have a wonderfully happy forever. That is the one thing in this world that I know for certain.

Jenn is waiting for a phone call back from the fertility center for instructions of what to do. I really am hoping that don't still make me come in for the beta. I hate that phone call, really really hate it.

Blah

As usual I am angry

Currently at myself. It's the PIO shots. They are killing me. Starting at about 8pm I become tense and weapy. Once I'm actually in bed laying down on my belly, it just gets worse. I start to bawl. First because I am scared. The needles scare the crap out of me. Jenn won't stick me until I say ready. I start screaming if she comes near me with the alcohol pad.

Then I start crying because I should want these shots. I should be so happy that they exisist so that I can sustain a pregnancy. Why am I such a wuss? Why do I feel that it is right to complain about something that is going to help me get what I want? The other night I called Lyz to talk to me while Jenn did it to try and distract me. Last night I couldn't call her because I didn't want to make a fool out of my bawling and blubbering self.

Then I cry even harder once the needle is in. It hurts. It hurts so much. Then for kicks and giggles it hurts even after it is all done.

All of this, and I am 99.7% sure I am not pregnant. We got ourselves all fooled and excited the other night with the world's prettiest evap line. But, it isn't meant to be yet again.

We will try one more time. It will be the last. Maybe we will try to save up for IVF after that, but for now the financial and emotional burden is too great.

60.7 million swimmers are on their way

Yesterday-31.5
Today-29.2

Those are the best numbers we have ever had. Wow.

Hopefully they are all swimming away to their goal.

Now I just have to wait two weeks to see if they were able to achieve their goal!!

(There will be no testing until November 10th. I am throwing a baby shower on the 9th and can't let myself be in a mood while I am throwing it.)

Where have I been?

There is a TTC Update at the bottom of this, in case you aren't in the mood to read the story of my dear pregnant friend's trip to the hospital...

Well, Sunday evening we decided to pick up dinner at Isaac's (yummy)we get a text from Chris "Fyi we are at "hospital", Lyz has a temp of 102."

So, with me in my pj's (and stubbly leg hairs, basically see through tee-shirt and no bra) we called Isaac's back and cancel our order. I hopped in the back seat and found a pair of yoga pants (in my car for occasions like this I assume)and a sweatshirt and found a ponytail holder in my purse, to tie my nappy (as in both tangled and fresh from a nap) hair up with and rushed off to the hospital.

I don't want to go in to too much detail about Lyz's medical status (even though we joke that this is Lyz's blog too) that just doesn't seem fair to her. The one thing I will say is that she has no veins. How can such a warm, caring person have no blood running through her body?? I was the only one in the room with her when they came to do her iv. Something else you should know about Lyz, is that she has the highest pain tollerance of anyone I know. I've seen her recover from a surgery that involved taking bone from her hip and attaching it to her back. But this IV...she screamed out loud. I hopped up off my chair where I had been looking away from her and grabbed her other hand. She writhed and moaned and I just wanted to hop into the bed and take her place. There were many other times throughout the days she was in the hospital that we all offered our veins to the nurses, to help Lyz avoid the pain.

But, as we always do, we made the hospital a fun fun place to be. There was a list of rules on the wall that Jenn designed (including things like no pooping in the bathroom unless you are Lyz or Avery, no using pronouns, as Lyz and Chris don't want to know the sex of the baby, and sports must be on the tv at all times-Go Phillies)

More fun-with pictures to prove it:

We hired Lyz her own personal bodyguard:

(Chris is a police officer in case I have never mentioned that and you are confuzzled)

We used the hoo-haa lamp as a spotlight so that Avery could dance for us:


We played football with a stuffed rotty:


Which resulted in getting the rotty into unique positions:


We took pictures of people going potty:


We broke the hospital bed while pretending it was a roller coaster (jeeze I look horribly fat in this picture, but I'm going to share it anyways):


One last picture just to prove that Lyz always looks so beautiful, even when stuck in a hospital bed for days:


I've mentioned before that this hospital caters to women only, focusing on pregnant women. I must say acupuncture must really work. I personally think I did pretty good. I even watched her whole ultrasound.

{pause for Lupron injection}

Yes, the whole ultrasound. It was inspiring. It was beautiful to watch it (remember, we don't know what it is) on the screen. It kept covering its face...too cute.

TTC Update part:

I only had one minor meltdown the whole time we were there, and it had nothing to do with the hospital, or Lyz, or the 16 year old pregnant woman that was standing outside smoking a cigarette while breathing through her contractions.

I had my bloodwork on Monday morning to make sure I am responding well to the Lupron, I'm not. They want the E2 level to be under 50. Last month, undrugged, it was a little over 60. Monday, while drugged with the Lupron for two weeks, my E2 was 91. How did it go up while drugged? Over 80 is bad. I cried. My next blood check is tomorrow am...hopefully it will go down. I will be okay as long as it goes down, it doesn't have to be under 50 right away, but it needs to go down at least...I'll be frugal and say, let it be under 75. If it doesn't go down...then worry about me. Acupuncture is wonderful and all, but I don't think it could help me over the meltdown that non-falling numbers would create.

A Whole New World or I Need More Acupuncture Please.

Welcome to Cycle Day One.

Roller Coaster...Here I come!

Please, let me enjoy the ride, I am not afraid of heights, take me up, up, up and away, but don't come crashing down.

Baseline ultrasound and blood work is Monday at 11am.

off to pray.

Follow That Cycle -10/10/08

9/30/08-Start Lupron Injections (20 units nightly)
10/6/08-Last Cycle Control Pill
10/7/08-Acupuncture
10/10/08-Cycle Day 1
10/13/08-Baseline U/S and Bloodwork-E2-91
10/14/08-Acupuncture
10/17/08-Bloodwork-E2-64
10/17/08-Lower Lupron to 5 units, add 125 units of Follistim
10/21/08-Ultrasound and Bloodwork
10/22/08-Acupuncture
10/24/08-Ultrasound and Bloodwork
10/25/08-Ultrasound and Bloodwork
10/25/08-Trigger
10/27/08-IUI
10/28/08-IUI
10/28/08-Acupuncture
10/29/08-Start Suppositories (200mg), 3x a day.
11/4/08-ELECTION DAY!! Progesterone and Ovary Check-Progesterone-14.7
11/5/08-PIO Injections class
11/5/08-Start 1 unit of PIO daily, keep doing suppositories 3xdaily.
11/11/08-Pregnancy Test-CXL'D-Not PG
11/12/08-Waiting for period to start
11/16/08-Cycle Day 1

Longest Follow That Cycle EVER.

Yes, Dakota, I hit the panic button.

I am much MUCH better now. After hearing me having an emotional breakdown in the lab, Michelle came in (Have I ever told you how much I love her????) to calm me down, even though she was in with another patient the next room over. Dr F would have ignored me.

Basically this bloodwork is to see how much of each drug to give me. Am I suppressing myself enough, too much, too little? She said that there is very little chance that I will fail the test, but that she just wants to make sure she understands my body right to be able to give me the best cycle she can.

Then I started crying. Oh the relief. Oh I can breathe again. Oh my. It was as the clouds parted, the heavens opened and angels started singing my relief. Michelle smiled her warm smile and told me to relax, then went back to her other patient. And I didn't yell at her for using the r word on me, I think I was too busy breathing again.

Thank you all so much for your kind cheerleading. I don't know what I would do without you all.

Does this still have the worst case scenario?? Yes, but I'm less afraid now. Phew.

Scared to Death

Yesterday Jenn called the fertility center to tell them I got my period, set up the injectables appointment, and to ask about birth control pills so that my cycle won't be 99 days long. When they called her back they told her they want me in for bloodwork today to check my ovaries. I haven't been responding well to the clomid, so they want to make sure my ovaries still work.

Now I'm scared to death. I spent all day yesterday somewhere between teary eyed and full out flipping out. It hurts to breathe, my stomach is in knots, I don't know what to do.

If my ovaries are dead, this is all over isn't it? If this bloodwork comes back bad, then my miracle is squashed.

I wasn't ready to let go of this yet.

Please, let them come back okay.

More nonsense.

I kinda like when I don't post for a few days and then just pile it all into one, it is fun for me.

• I had some kind of stomach problem this week which left me rolling around and moaning a lot. I self diagnosed many things over the course of four days. Appendicitis, gas, stomach flu, pregnancy, cysts, an ulcer or 12, OHSS, etc. Sometime yesterday the pain just up and disappeared. Now I've self diagnosed it as stress.
• We went out to dinner with Lyz and Chris Friday night, they were childless, well, not counting the baby in the belly. Lyz and I spent the entire time talking about pregnancy, miscarriage and babies. Poor Chris and Jenn must have been like "dude, we were doing this dinner for adult conversation". Oh well.
• After dinner we headed out to Lowe's to pick paint out for Avery's new room. (Dinosaurs in case you were interested with bright pink and brown paint...too cute)
• Then we went to Jenn's favorite store, the Spirit store. Jenn likes Halloween just a little bit :).
• Jenn stayed awake most of the night Friday chatting with our friend B about Ike. Thankfully B and K are fine (all be it in the dark without power and wind blown.) They even sent us their own video footage in the middle of the night. We panicked a bit in the wee hours of the morning after not hearing from them for an hour and a half...but they were just sleeping.
• Yesterday I had a meltdown to put all meltdowns to shame. Poor Jenn.
  
• Michigan lost again yesterday. Maybe that was the straw the broke the meltdowns back???
• My period arrived this morning. Sigh. Yet again the pee sticks didn't lie even though I really wish they had. At one point during my pain I texted Lyz to see if maybe it was a bladder infection, and the high acidity of my urine was bleaching the 2nd line right out of my stick. (look for a post in the near future about the lies we tell ourselves and others)
  
• Speaking of the sticks. We call evap lines "imaginary lines" Jenn gets very excited about imaginary lines. I let them get my hopes up that "maybe they aren't imaginary, maybe they are the beginnings of real lines". Stoopid imaginary lines.
• Today we are heading out to Belle's birthday party. It is a luau. It is very hot outside. I texted Jenn this morning to bring an apple to the party. I'll stick it in my mouth and call myself the pig roast. (well, before we go to Belle's party we have to go out and buy her a gift, since my meltdown yesterday was during the time we had planned to go out shopping.)

Anywho, that's enough of my nonsense for the morning. There will be no clomid or swimmers this cycle. I'm going to call tomorrow and see about birth control pills so that my next cycle is soon and not 100 years from now. On to daily injections we go!! Fingers crossed that one of these next three tries works.......

Lots and yet nothing to say.

I had the last two days off, and over the course of those two days I kept making mental notes about things I wanted to blog about. Guess what, I don't remember a single dang one of them.

I had funky dreams last night. I looked back through my notes of previous cycles...days 4 and 5 seem to bring funky dreams on both Blue's and Honeydew's cycles, but no others. Did I just forget to jot the dreams during other cycles down in my notes? I know I had crazy dreams the entire time I was pregnant with Blue. I blamed both the hormones, and my mother. She is the queen of crazy dreams.

Am I pregnant? Sigh, this screwing with my mind thing has got to stop. I am yet again getting my hopes up, and really didn't like the way they crashed down last cycle. I don't want a repeat of that.

Pray for the Turtle. Turtle's mommies didn't get the news they wanted this morning, and I'm hoping that it wasn't the worst news.

I have come to the conclusion that Jenn is having a mid-thirties crisis. (I refuse to say mid-life because she better live past the age of 66). Her hair is her new best friend. She made me take pictures of it last night while we were at a baseball game. She wanted to see how good it looked with a visor and her sunglasses on. See, she's also moved on to contacts. Glasses just aren't cool enough for her. I told her the other day that this will have to stop, we simply cannot afford a schnazzy Porsche convertible right now.

Jenn has started to look for a job. We did say she'd start in September. And it's started with a bang. She had two interviews last week, and has been called back for a second interview for one of them. I'm excited, but sad that they are still in the banking industry. I know this isn't her dream job, but I hate that she has to take a job just to "support" the family. (My cobra insurance is killing us!! But not having the cobra would kill us more). Job interview for next week doesn't even offer benefits to cover me, so while it is a good job, she is still looking beyond it.

I *think* that we have finally untold everyone about Blue. We had our eye doctor appointments on Wednesday and one of the receptionists said "Oh!! You didn't bring the baby!! I was looking forward to meeting him!" I was last there in December of last year. I was just starting to show and the girls there were all so excited for us. Sigh. Seeing her face fall as neither Jenn or I answered her and the tears fell out of my eyes was killer. She started apologizing and then noticed the note on our chart from when Jenn called and made the appointment "Don't ask about the baby, he's moved on to heaven." Poor girl. Thank goodness I don't go to the dentist, there would be a whole-nother person to untell.

I'm not trying

In the past I have tried various things during the two week wait to try and insure a pregnancy:

• Lighting a fertility candle for an hour each evening.
• Eating enough pineapple every night to make my lips and mouth bleed.
• Eating an Egg McMuffin on 7dpo.
• Wearing mismatched socks to all doctors appointments.
• Not peeing on sticks.
• Peeing on sticks.
• Chanting odd things.
• Singing Dory's song from Finding Nemo

Really this list could keep going.

This month. Nothing. Okay, I wore the socks. And I've sung the song. And we lit the candle last night (not for an hour though, because it overflowed and dripped wax onto the carpet!). But I'm not doing any of the crazy things. I'm actually rather relaxed. (Yes, I did "yell" at someone via text this week for using that word on my, sorry)

Have I been peeing like a racehorse for the last 24+ hours?? Why yes, but I'm only 3dpo, there is no way that a little baby would be causing that symptom already. I blame it on leftover trigger shot in my system.

I really plan on taking a rather what happens, happens approach this cycle. I can't help but remember that the last time we threatened my body with daily injections, Blue was conceived...maybe my body just needs a threat?

Spermified

Yesterday was IUI day. On Thursday when Michelle called I asked "Will it be you on Saturday?"

No, I'm sorry. ( I proceeded to curse enough to make a sailor blush after hanging up the phone with her.)

I hate Dr. F. with a flaming passion. Can't stand him. He is a moron and sometimes I really do swear that I know more about this whole process then him.

Yesterday, he gets me up in the stirrups (with my pretty mismatched sockies), puts in the speculum, proceeds to screw it to my inner thigh, ouch!! Then he sprays the cervix with the saline, and cleans it off with the gauze.

THEN HE TAKES THE SPECULUM OUT.

Any idea what's missing in this process?? Um, did the freaking doctor just forget to put the sperm in my uterus????? Seriously??

After wonderful lab tech Amy pointed this out to him he giggled and said "Well in 20 years I've never done that before!"

Maybe Jenn and I make him really nervous because he knows we can't stand him. But seriously, forgetting to put the sperm in may be the dumbest thing I have ever encountered.

And in case you were curious, when he put the speculum back in, he managed to screw it to my inner thigh yet again. Ouch.


*****And to all of you who answered my Contest correctly, not one of you left me your email address. Here's mine--heidimingo at gmail dot com. Email me if you want the prized recipe!!*****

Ultrasound Day

One good sized follicle on my right ovary, and one gigantic one. Michelle says the gigantic one is too big to count, but that the one looked perfect. I'm awaiting on bloodwork to see how we shall proceed. I am assuming we will trigger tonight and then have IUI Saturday morning. I'll update if it changes.

I will post about our vacation tonight after I've uploaded all of the pictures. We had a blast!!!

randomness

*Tubs
The other day at the evil store I hate to admit that I shopped at, Jenn and I needed some new Rubbermaid tubs (We use them as luggage) and hark!! What did I see but a beautiful PINK one. Well, several beautiful pink ones, buried in the middle of blue ones. Poor Jenn, I made her dig them out. Have you ever tried to pull apart a large stack of new tubs like that?? Not easy.



I laughed at her, but she wouldn't let me help, or didn't like the way I helped or something.

*Socks
Sara sent me a beautious set of mismatched sockies and I wore them to my ultrasound, IUI, and Clomid check. Without washing them. Don't say ick to me, football players go whole seasons without washing their underwear. I can wear the same pair of socks 3 times for less than a total of 45 minutes and not get icky feet.



Seen here on ultrasound day.

*Tears
Last night Jenn was walking up the stairs and said "Look what came in the mail today!" It was the New Holland fair booklet telling us all the rules and whatnots for their different competitions. I said "OH OH OH I wanna bake cookies!!!" Jenn said "You say that every year." To which I replied "Well, this year I'm going to do it, maybe if I win a blue ribbon they'll give me a baby." And promptly started bawling. I couldn't stop. What a silly thing to respond and what a silly thing to not be able to stop crying over. But honestly, in that moment, inside my head it was like that was the whole reason that we don't have a baby. Because I didn't enter my Grandma's tomato soup cookies into the fair. Sigh. I'm crazy. (Yes, I am, but its okay, I like to be somewhat crazy)

*Um,
I know I had more random thoughts to ramble on about, but I don't remember what they were so ya'll are gonna have to wait for another day to hear me ramble. xxoo

Pineapple, Egg McMuffins, my fears, and I'm a WINNER!!!

Pineapple and Egg McMuffins.
So...awhile back I read someones blog, don't ask me which one, that the only thing that was different about the cycle she got AND STAYED pregnant was the one where she ate pineapple 0-6dpo and an Egg McMuffin on 7dpo.

Last month I tried it, but failed a little. I missed one night of pineapple consumption, and failed to read the part where it said must be fresh pineapple, and I ate a fake Egg McMuffin. So this month I have done it right. And I have the awful sores on my lips and inside my mouth to prove that I have eaten my weight in pineapple (well not quite my weight, that would be a heck of a lot) and this morning I stopped at MickeyDee's for a real Egg McMuffin.

Which now leads to

My Fears.
I may be convinced that I am pregnant. I can't tell you what makes me think this, but I can tell you that if I am in fact NOT pregnant, I will be horribly crushed. Crushed more than any other negative cycle. Be warned.

I'm a WINNER!!!

The wonderful JamieD at The Therapist is In gave me a wonderful award and I must thank her!! (I have an acceptance speech too, but don't want to bore you all with it, you can catch me tomorrow morning at 6am practicing it again in my mirror if you are interested)

Here is my beautious award:



Part of the winnings given to me is the right to award this to others, seven others as a matter of fact. I read a gazillion blogs and must say it was very difficult to narrow this down to seven. But I've taken a crack at it:

1-TBean at Baby Steps. Her blog often inspires me to be more me. I know that may sound silly, but she says things I wish I could, shares things that I keep burrowed inside, and is just a wonderful comment giver to boot!

2-Gia at Patiently Awaiting "Hope" who has a story similar to mine, but a much more positive attitude.

3-Mulberry and Dakota at wildride43gals who are two wonderful women and I enjoy reading their words!!!

4-Travelher and Pufferfish at Puffer and the Baby Fish-I love to read of their many travels and hope their Baby Fish journey is their best one yet!

5-Giggleblue at Specific Destiny who I've been a quiet reader of, but still get so excited to read her updates!!

6-Lizzie at Two Chicks In Pursuit of a Babe, I can't wait to read your pursuits happy ending!!

7-Sara at the egg dance-Who gave me the most wonderful gift-socks, three of them, which caused a wonderful conversation between my legs at my last IUI. (And no, I don't think the socks were a bribe so that I would award her this)

If you want to pass along the Brilliante Award to some of your favorite blogs, here are the rules that go along with this award:

1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on your blog.
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog

Today's Installment of Why I Won't Be Pregnant This Cycle

I have a cold. A nice decent one. At first I thought it wasn't that bad, I lived through still going out and having fun and carrying on like I always do (with a box of tissues in hand, can't trust what kind of nasty sandpaper you may find at other locations). Until Sunday morning.

I woke up coughing and hacking and wheezing and with other general sputtering.

Moral of the story is, there is no way I will get pregnant this cycle. All the coughing, sneezing and other nonsense is surely making it too hard for the little eggie to implant!

In other news, Lyz and I made risotto Saturday night for dinner (pregnant Lyz ate hers with potato chips). We were inspired by Chef Ramsey of Hell's Kitchen. I must say it was pretty good!!