Friday, September 5, 2008

Lots and yet nothing to say.

I had the last two days off, and over the course of those two days I kept making mental notes about things I wanted to blog about. Guess what, I don't remember a single dang one of them.

I had funky dreams last night. I looked back through my notes of previous cycles...days 4 and 5 seem to bring funky dreams on both Blue's and Honeydew's cycles, but no others. Did I just forget to jot the dreams during other cycles down in my notes? I know I had crazy dreams the entire time I was pregnant with Blue. I blamed both the hormones, and my mother. She is the queen of crazy dreams.

Am I pregnant? Sigh, this screwing with my mind thing has got to stop. I am yet again getting my hopes up, and really didn't like the way they crashed down last cycle. I don't want a repeat of that.

Pray for the Turtle. Turtle's mommies didn't get the news they wanted this morning, and I'm hoping that it wasn't the worst news.

I have come to the conclusion that Jenn is having a mid-thirties crisis. (I refuse to say mid-life because she better live past the age of 66). Her hair is her new best friend. She made me take pictures of it last night while we were at a baseball game. She wanted to see how good it looked with a visor and her sunglasses on. See, she's also moved on to contacts. Glasses just aren't cool enough for her. I told her the other day that this will have to stop, we simply cannot afford a schnazzy Porsche convertible right now.

Jenn has started to look for a job. We did say she'd start in September. And it's started with a bang. She had two interviews last week, and has been called back for a second interview for one of them. I'm excited, but sad that they are still in the banking industry. I know this isn't her dream job, but I hate that she has to take a job just to "support" the family. (My cobra insurance is killing us!! But not having the cobra would kill us more). Job interview for next week doesn't even offer benefits to cover me, so while it is a good job, she is still looking beyond it.

I *think* that we have finally untold everyone about Blue. We had our eye doctor appointments on Wednesday and one of the receptionists said "Oh!! You didn't bring the baby!! I was looking forward to meeting him!" I was last there in December of last year. I was just starting to show and the girls there were all so excited for us. Sigh. Seeing her face fall as neither Jenn or I answered her and the tears fell out of my eyes was killer. She started apologizing and then noticed the note on our chart from when Jenn called and made the appointment "Don't ask about the baby, he's moved on to heaven." Poor girl. Thank goodness I don't go to the dentist, there would be a whole-nother person to untell.


Lizzie said...

Oh, sweetie. Your eye doctor story made me cry. How difficult. Hugs.

dakota said...

Heidi I am so sorry that you keep having to go through the experience of having to retell this part of your family's story. Many hugs sweetie.

Between the orion tattoo and the new haircut and sunglasses, I hear the guitar intro to "Bad to the Bone" harkening when you two walk in.;) xo

Mrs. Spit said...

Aww crap. The untelling just about did me in.

I should have had cards. One side with the information, the other side with information about pre-eclampsia.

mulberry said...

what a hard hard converging bunch of moments :(

so sorry you had to go through the untelling, or more like the *telling* of the heartbreak you experienced, this so very intimate pain and loss that colors your everyday. if they were looking forward to meeting the baby, it doesn't even hold a candle to how much you were looking forward to meeting the baby.

an untelling is like there never was a baby... language is something, isn't it?

i am sorry you have had such losses... and i am having much hope for a little turtle to come and join you gals. i hope it has already arrived.

much luck to jenn as she makes her way with getting a new job.

JamieD said...

I will often write the most amazing blog posts in my head and by the time I get to the computer *POOF* they're gone.

I am so sorry about your untelling. It is not a happy story to have to tell over and over again. ((HUGS))

Malea said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that ordeal. I use to wonder why people waited sometimes months before they announced pregnancies.Now I know.It's like the child passes over and over again with each untelling.

I hope today brings something good for you:)

Anonymous said...

That appointment sounds so, so hard. I'm sorry everyone you told can't just automatically know what happened so you don't have to go through telling them.